R-E-S-P-E-C-T .. find out what it means to me!

*nervous laughter* aha... well, yes, Richie... I know I said I'd post today.. well, I said that yesterday. And the day before that. But hey, I'm posting now! And I figured now that someone other than me is reading this blog, I might as well put up less retarded posts.

So here goes.

*clears throat*

So in pyschology our first unit is personality. I'm really bad at remembering facts, so I'm not sure who came up with this theory but SOME GUY suggested that a person has three types of traits: cardinal traits, central traits and secondary traits. I'm not going to give you a psychology lesson or anything but basically, central traits are those that most people around you can see, such as moody, outgoing or bubbly. Secondary traits are kind of superficial and are very subject to change, such as your taste in music or favourite colour. Cardinal traits however, can only be found by digging deeper into one's personality, and often only the person themself can find their cardinal trait. Even then, it's difficult.

My central traits are kind of shy, reserved, not quite outgoing but not a social reject either (I hope!) and ambitious. My secondary traits - my favourite colour's PURPLE!, my favourite bands are Paramore, The Script and Muse, and I like to read. My cardinal trait?

I think my cardinal trait is to gain the respect of people who I respect, and not to lose that respect.

You know, now that I think about it I realise that everything I do is to hold the respect of people. Whether that be my parents or my friends, I'm always trying to be a person who other people can respect. Is that a good thing? Is it a bad thing? I think it is both good and bad. I mean, sure it's good that I'm trying to please people, but does that mean that I'm acting like somebody that I'm not?

I've been trying to please my parents all my life. I am held back from getting red streaks in my hair or being a bimbo firstly, because that's just not me, der, and secondly because I don't want them to look down on me. Just recently, my parents have been a major factor for quite a big decision that, well, they didn't even know about.

I've found this great group of friends of school that I think everyone wants to find, but a lot of people often don't. The greatest thing about these friends is that I respect them, more than anything. I have had friends before without respecting them, and I think those friendships are the ones that don't quite make it through to the end. But the people I have met over the past six months (I'm not saying my Brisbane friend's aren't respectable) are truly amazing. They are each quirky in their own way and jeez louise, EVERY ONE OF THEM IS SO FREAKING SMART IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY.

Anyway. As I was saying. One of my greatest fears is doing something that these great friends of mine will hear about and go, "Oh my gosh, what kind of a person would do that?" I don't ever want my parents to look at me and wonder how they have raised a daughter like that. I'm not a goody two shoes, but I am extremely self conscious and a lot of the time, do things for the sake of others. A lot of the time, I find myself adapting my personality somehow for people to... not like me, but to see me as their equal, or even look up to me. Is this good? I don't know.

So yeah, my cardinal trait: GAINING AND KEEPING THE RESPECT OF OTHERS.

What's yours? What's your driving force behind every action?

Z.

Wow, that was fast.

So it’s that time of year again: back to school. And I’m telling you, this Australian summer is not making things any easier. Seriously, people were like DRIPPING with sweat today, nobody can get enough water, words start to swim before your eyes cause you feel so dizzy from the heat, and there’s NO AIR-CONDITIONING! For goodness sake, even the primary school has air-conditioning yet the high school doesn’t?!

So yeah, it’s that time of the year where you get ‘motivational’ (get-off-your-arse) speeches, where teachers and other adults tell you to get a move on because it’s getting toward your senior year and you have to ‘try your hardest’ and bla bla bla. That’s great and all, but … I just don’t like school! I CAN’T HELP IT!

But I full contact-ed my books and got my bag ready and decided, yup, this is the year Zarin. Try your hardest… WOO! It’s day two now, and I’m surprised at how fast this motivated and energetic attitude has faded away. I feel kind of.. I don’t know, tired all the time? Like there’s no point? What’s wrong with me? I just feel like someone’s going to upstage me anyway, so what’s the point in going all out? What’s the point if SOMEONE out there (namely parents) are going to get disappointed anyway?

I realise that this is an extremely crappy attitude… but I just feel so out of it.

Z.