I NEED TO RANT!

This week has been terrible! That's because we got our trials back. I didn't do terribly, but in my eyes I could've done much better. Yes, people are going to get pissed at me for saying that. That's the thing - even I'm pissed at myself for thinking things like that. I have such gigantic expectations for myself! Maybe, even if I got a 100% in every trial, I still wouldn't be satisfied. At my old school, I really didn't care how I went in comparison to other people. Here, that is all that matters. WHY WHY WHY ZARIN MUST YOU BE SUCH AN IDIOT FOR THINKING THINGS LIKE THAT? I'm too tired to rant anymore. What a lame rant.

MASQUERADE!

I'd always wanted to go to a masquearde but nobody had thrown one so guess what I did? I threw one! Most of the people I invited didn't come because they either had tutor (pfft, nerds these days) or were not allowed to come. I laughed because some said that their parents wouldn't let them come to Mac Fields at such a late hour. hahahaha.

Anywho, the people who did come made by belated 16th birthday extremely awesome. I was kind of scared because I thought it would be really dead and nobody would dance. But as promised, Cleo and Durga... NOT TO MENTION RICHIE! started the party. It was so awesome - although it was cold, we had a 'picnic' outside in my backyard for dinner, we danced like crayzay and flaunted our gorgeous masks. One of my favourite parts of the party was when Kishani commanded me to go on my balcony and when I did, I saw everybody standing outside looking up at me singing happy birthday. If my neighbours decide to stab me I'll blame it on you guys :) But regardless of my neighbours' annoyance, I must say, you guys sure know how to make a girl feel special.

Thank you to all of you who came. I had a really great time and I hope you guys did too. Thank you for all your awesome presents and to those of you who I invited but decided not to come, you missed out on a pretty great party :) ... well, in my opinion.

*sighs* ah well, time to go back to attempting to concentrate on English.

Adios amigos!

-thelazydreamer

Ben Barnes, you have failed me.

Today I did two things - I finished reading The Picture of Dorian Gray, by Oscar Wilde, and also ended up watching the movie - Dorian Gray. I wasn't a huge fan of the book, but I was curious about the movie. And then when I found that Ben Barnes was Dorian Gray I was like woooo!! But as the title says, I am very disappointed in him. And the movie.

The book's plotline was pretty brilliant - it was a story about a guy named Dorian Gray whose portrait got old and ruined as his soul did but his face remained as perfectly youthful. The movie should've been so good - it had quite a good cast (include Petunia Dursley!). But it focused too much on the vulgar aspects of the book instead of the really awesome, intelligently built plotline. It completely missed bits of the plot and the director or screenplay writer or whatever decided to put in their own stuff instead. The character of Emily at the end I'm pretty sure wasn't in the book, but she was one of the only good additions. The movie was so disgusting that I'm embarassed to have watched it.

And Ben Barnes! For goodness sake! There was nothing good about him in the movie aside from his attractiveness! Sure, his character dictated that he had to act all cocky but his acting was so monotonous and annoying! The few bits that he was meant to show emotion was horribly disappointing. GAH! You have failed me!

The book was soooo much better than the movie! Ajuni was right when she warned me that the movie was crappy.

Inspiration

I am in need of inspiration. Every time I sit down to right I feel my mind throw away every single idea I've ever had. It sucks. I can't even blog anymore.

Perhaps writing is more important than I thought.

Over the past couple of weeks, I have been stressing myself so much that I've even surprised myself. Yes, I do stress out a bit more than normal people, but not usually this much! I'm slowly starting to figure out what the root of all my problems are. 

Primary school was not really such a great time for me - I was constantly stuck under a cloud of worry and self doubt. Then suddenly when I reached high school, everything seemed to change. The moments when I did not have a smile on my face were becoming increasingly rare. Everyone around me, including me, seemed to notice it. I have always been trying to figure out what it is that changed me so rapidly. Now I realise that around the time when I became more happy with myself and the world around me was the time I began taking writing seriously. I had been writing since the age of eight, but I started really considering writing as something I was extremely passionate about around the time I started high school. Not only that, my marks actually became much better than what they had been. Perhaps writing is what changed it all for me. 

How does this relate to my stressed out state of mind at the moment? The thing is, all this studying and stressing out about studying (not to mention procrastinating) leaves little time for writing. I haven't been writing at all. I'm guessing that because I haven't been writing, I've been stressed out more than usual. 

Before I stop rambling and actually go write, I am going to attempt to somehow tie this post to you, oh awesome reader. Before I leave, I shall leave you with some extremely important advice: do you what you love, even when you think you should do nothing but study! Seriously, take it from someone who's been stupid enough not to realise it before - your hobbies and passions really do make you a healthier person. 

- thelazydreamer.

WOOOOO PARTAY.

I feel I must commemorate this day because today I finally got my learner's! I kind of lack common sense, so I thought I was going to fail, but now I'm really relieved! I was pretty hyper for most of today... running around and informing my parents that I could now* conquer the world >.< Hmm, seems I am just a bit over excited. Oh and about my actual license photo - not only was I told I could not smile, I was also forced to take my glasses off! As a result I look like a mass murderer ready to go on another killing spree! Anyways, this mass murderer shall be on the road soon, I'm hoping! Stay out of my way people!!

- thelazydreamer

I feel I must speak about religion.

Religion, for some reason, has been on people's minds recently. I don't know when it started, but I guess it had something to do with Durga's post about it. And even though my post will not be half as interesting as Sanjay's Hinduism-Mario theory, here's what I think/believe.

I am a Muslim, and have been one for all my life. Now that I think about it, I can't really say that anybody's really shoved religion down my throat. Yes, my parents have obviously encouraged me to live a Muslim life, but they've never really forced me to do something I don't want to. Although I do not wear a scarf, I do  pretty much everything else that a Muslim's meant to do - I pray, I fast, don't show my legs, read the Quran, bla bla bla.

Oh, and on the topic of headscarves - a lot of people ask me why I don't wear a scarf. I may consider it in the future, but right now I'm trying to find my way in the world. I'm pretty insecure about who I am and who I'm meant to be, so as invalid an excuse as it is, I don't think I could handle the questions and the looks that may and will come my way if I suddenly start wearing a scarf. Although no one in my direct family wears a scarf, a few my aunts do. My parents have never, not once, told me that I had to wear a scarf, so I will make that decision in my own time.

Anyway, it's strange that talk of religion being nonsense should come around during Ramadan, which, I'm sure you know, is one of the most important months in the Islamic calendar. It's when most Muslims become more religious.

Don't get me wrong, I respect people who are atheist just as much as someone who believes in God, but what I don't respect is when someone dismisses religion as nonsense and worthless. Obviously it does have worth to some people and saying that it's just BS will not gain you any friends. I personally have respect for pretty much every religion out there (except for a shifty few). Although I don't know much about it, Hinduism seems really interesting to me - like Durga said, all the legends and stories are pretty magical. I've also come to understand Hindu culture a bit more recently since the majority of my friend circle are Hindu.

Ah gosh, I think what I'm saying gets more pointless with every post. Don't mind me :P I'm too tired to continue. Goodnight and goodbye.

- thelazydreamer