Perhaps writing is more important than I thought.

Over the past couple of weeks, I have been stressing myself so much that I've even surprised myself. Yes, I do stress out a bit more than normal people, but not usually this much! I'm slowly starting to figure out what the root of all my problems are. 

Primary school was not really such a great time for me - I was constantly stuck under a cloud of worry and self doubt. Then suddenly when I reached high school, everything seemed to change. The moments when I did not have a smile on my face were becoming increasingly rare. Everyone around me, including me, seemed to notice it. I have always been trying to figure out what it is that changed me so rapidly. Now I realise that around the time when I became more happy with myself and the world around me was the time I began taking writing seriously. I had been writing since the age of eight, but I started really considering writing as something I was extremely passionate about around the time I started high school. Not only that, my marks actually became much better than what they had been. Perhaps writing is what changed it all for me. 

How does this relate to my stressed out state of mind at the moment? The thing is, all this studying and stressing out about studying (not to mention procrastinating) leaves little time for writing. I haven't been writing at all. I'm guessing that because I haven't been writing, I've been stressed out more than usual. 

Before I stop rambling and actually go write, I am going to attempt to somehow tie this post to you, oh awesome reader. Before I leave, I shall leave you with some extremely important advice: do you what you love, even when you think you should do nothing but study! Seriously, take it from someone who's been stupid enough not to realise it before - your hobbies and passions really do make you a healthier person. 

- thelazydreamer.

WOOOOO PARTAY.

I feel I must commemorate this day because today I finally got my learner's! I kind of lack common sense, so I thought I was going to fail, but now I'm really relieved! I was pretty hyper for most of today... running around and informing my parents that I could now* conquer the world >.< Hmm, seems I am just a bit over excited. Oh and about my actual license photo - not only was I told I could not smile, I was also forced to take my glasses off! As a result I look like a mass murderer ready to go on another killing spree! Anyways, this mass murderer shall be on the road soon, I'm hoping! Stay out of my way people!!

- thelazydreamer

I feel I must speak about religion.

Religion, for some reason, has been on people's minds recently. I don't know when it started, but I guess it had something to do with Durga's post about it. And even though my post will not be half as interesting as Sanjay's Hinduism-Mario theory, here's what I think/believe.

I am a Muslim, and have been one for all my life. Now that I think about it, I can't really say that anybody's really shoved religion down my throat. Yes, my parents have obviously encouraged me to live a Muslim life, but they've never really forced me to do something I don't want to. Although I do not wear a scarf, I do  pretty much everything else that a Muslim's meant to do - I pray, I fast, don't show my legs, read the Quran, bla bla bla.

Oh, and on the topic of headscarves - a lot of people ask me why I don't wear a scarf. I may consider it in the future, but right now I'm trying to find my way in the world. I'm pretty insecure about who I am and who I'm meant to be, so as invalid an excuse as it is, I don't think I could handle the questions and the looks that may and will come my way if I suddenly start wearing a scarf. Although no one in my direct family wears a scarf, a few my aunts do. My parents have never, not once, told me that I had to wear a scarf, so I will make that decision in my own time.

Anyway, it's strange that talk of religion being nonsense should come around during Ramadan, which, I'm sure you know, is one of the most important months in the Islamic calendar. It's when most Muslims become more religious.

Don't get me wrong, I respect people who are atheist just as much as someone who believes in God, but what I don't respect is when someone dismisses religion as nonsense and worthless. Obviously it does have worth to some people and saying that it's just BS will not gain you any friends. I personally have respect for pretty much every religion out there (except for a shifty few). Although I don't know much about it, Hinduism seems really interesting to me - like Durga said, all the legends and stories are pretty magical. I've also come to understand Hindu culture a bit more recently since the majority of my friend circle are Hindu.

Ah gosh, I think what I'm saying gets more pointless with every post. Don't mind me :P I'm too tired to continue. Goodnight and goodbye.

- thelazydreamer

Time is cruel.

It' 10:43 pm and sadly, most of my studious friends are now asleep. Many of them will rise early in the morning to study, study, study. I will wake up in the middle of the night to eat before fasting and pray and then, yup, you guessed it, go right back to sleep.
I won't kid myself - I'm having time problems. Maybe it's because I'm fasting and I feel tired most of the time. But I come home from school, kill time until I break my fast and then watch television for another hour. Then I sit down to do work, but my gosh, getting myself to do work is a feat in itself. A lot of people think that I'm very smart, that I study a lot, but that's really not true. I'm not smart and when I do study, it's just a huge mess of nothingness that I forget the next morning. So... yeah, it doesn't help at all.

I hate time constraints. I hate deadlines hanging over my neck like a guillotine or something. I hate knowing that in a few weeks from now, I will be sitting my trials and YES I KNOW THEY DO NOT COUNT FOR ANYTHING, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to do well. But the problem is that I cannot manage my time properly, and I have so many topics to cover before than that just the thought of it makes me want to go hide under my bed. I have not had time to do anything I love - I have not touched my guitar or keyboard in weeks, I have not had the time to reply to my friends' letters, I have not had the time to sit down and write to my heart's content. All because of my stupid time management problems. Like I said to my friend today, my life revolves around eating, sleeping and doing work (when I manage to actually do it) but I want it to be so much more.

Please, tell me that someone out there feels the way I do. And please, someone tell me how to manage my time better :(

- thelazydreamer.

My dear friends :)

 My friends have so much confidence in me. Even when I am at my lowest and am doubting myself , they're always trying to cheer me up. They have this lovely mind set that I am very smart and will be able to fulfill whatever dreams I have. An example of this is writing. Most people I know are now aware that my greatest dream is to become a published author. Even though the chances of my becoming an author are extremely tiny, they believe that one day I'll be a hugely famous writer. They are already arguing about who gets the dedication of my first book. Today Rekha said, "You can become an author and then go on Sunrise." I found that pretty random, but still, it shows that she believes that one day I'll make it.

They are always telling me that I am a very good writer, even when I don't believe it myself. They're the kind of friends I need around me right now :)
Well, a very mushy sort of post, but it has a lot of truth in it.

I shall leave you with a random picture...

- thelazydreamer.

Dinner date?

I woke up this morning with the intention of catching up with all my maths work. Clearly, I am not catching up with all my maths work and will do just as bad in the common test as I always do :) Oh wells.
So, instead of sitting at my desk like a good girl, I sat on the couch and began flicking through mindless show after mindless show, and came across one that I found particularly idiotic. I think it was called Dinner Date Australia or something? Basically it's about people who go on blind dates. And today's episode, from what I saw, was about a girl called Whatsherface who wanted to meet a tall, hot guy. Funnily enough, her blind date was a tall, mildly attractive Italian guy named Whatshisface. And she's like "Oh my gosh, he's exactly my type." Well, ladies and gents, we never saw that one coming, did we? Then the guy goes on to hold her hand and she's like, "woah, slow down man," and he's all, "maybe she's reading my signals wrong" and that's when I stopped watching because I decided that perhaps maths would be better. Gawsh, television shows these days. They're the funniest.

- thelazydreamer

Oh my goodness.

I don't think anybody in the world understands how ecstatic I feel right now. Because right now I am blogging from my MACBOOK. GAH I'm so happy. My parents bought it for me for my birthday. Dear mother and father, if I never loved you before, I do now. Haha just kidding. Must go run around the house with joy now. Goodbye!

- thelazydreamer