The weirdness of being stress free

It's exam time and if you know me, you must also know that during exam time I completely lose my mind. But this term, there is something wrong with me. I don't know if it's just that I don't have time to stress, or if my stress mechanisms are completely out of whack, but I seem to be incapable of feeling stressed out. In a way, that's good, since I can actually look at a question and think it through without my brain blowing up. On the other hand, it means that I'm not stressed out enough to go sit at my desk and study. Every time I try, I feel like "meh, just another exam. There's always a next time." WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Anyway, I entered some writing competition. In fact, it's one that I entered last year and you'll be able to notice just how strangely stress free I've become since then. Last year, I wrote my story two months in advance, got three teachers to check it and sat in front of my desk, worrying about the similes and the metaphors for days on end. This year, I wrote it one day before the due date, wrote precisely one draft, and even though I knew that my story was a load of crap, submitted it anyway!

Well, I've got maths exams and a biology assessment this week and hopefully they'll be alright. I'm pumped for Variety Night on Wednesday (a.k.a the day before the extension maths exam) and can't wait to see all the performances! I'm so happy that there are so many performers from our grade this year :D Hopefully it'll be a great night!

Now, I'm off to avoid studying for maths. Ciao!

- Zarin.

What would have been Athletics Day

Friday was Athletics Day. PUH-LEASE! I'll go next year though :) Instead of going to some place in Leumeah, Aswathi, Charis and I went to the State Library. Nerd's day out woohoo! Haha, it was actually very fun!! We went there to do our ancient history assignment but instead, spent half the day wandering around the city, eating and sitting in Hyde Park. Oh well, that's what the city is for! 

Aswathi missed the train despite the fact that she woke up earlier than me and Charis, so it took a while to meet up. Once Aswathi and I actually found each other, she realised that she forgot to bring money. TO THE CITY!! I guess in one day she lost the title of 'the most organised person I know'. Then when we got to St James station this guy was playing the accordion, except he was at the end of the tunnel thing so we couldn't see him and it sounded so cool! He sounded amazing! It was like we were walking through Paris or something. 

The State library is so huge! And the security is unexpectedly intense - c'mon, it's just a library after all! But we couldn't take our bags in and there was this security guard station thing at the entrance to the library. The librarian ladies were so nice to us, even though we asked them at least a thousand questions! 

So when we realised that our stomachs were eating themselves, we decided it was time to eat :) Aswathi insisted that we should eat at some Malaysian Laksa House thing and I excitedly bought these strange looking noodles. I have never seen so much oil in one dish. Our food was literally shining with oil. When I looked at my spoon it was covered with oil so it seemed like I had just washed it. But one good thing came out of this - I ATE WITH CHOPSTICKS FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE! Ask Charis, she'll tell you that I'm a natural :D

Of course, no day out in the city is complete without something sweet! We went to The Cupcake Bakery, and looking at it was enough to make my day. The cupcakes were so cute! Aswathi and Charis bought a red velvet cupcake: 

It looked too cute to eat! 

 I ordered THE BEST ICE CHOCOLATE IN THE UNIVERSE. GAAAH IT WAS SO GOOOOOOD! YOU MUST TRY IT!!!!! 

So anyway, I had a lot of fun, especially because I don't go out to the city half as much as I'd like to. Thank you Charis and Aswathi for such an awesome day :D 

And now, for my ancient history essay. DUN DUN DUUUN. 

When you try your best but you don't succeeeeed

Hello. 

:( 

If you can't tell by the extremely expressive sad face up there, I'm quite sad today, because it's Friday and despite calling Today FM more than 1000 times (literally) I could not win tickets to see Coldplay's Mylo Xoloto tour for me and Aswathi. We tried so hard, and I actually thought we would get tickets. I guess I thought wrong.

Aswathi, Marija and I registered for this call for Coldplay thing, where Kyle and Jackie O call you and if they like your story/think you're entertaining, they'll give you FOUR tickets to Coldplay. On Wednesday, some lady from the station called up Marija and said that Kyle and Jackie O would be calling the next morning at 9 o' clock. Our heads nearly exploded with excitement. We came up with an awesome parody of Viva la Vida but on Thursday morning the station did not call us, and some lady with stupid hypothetical questions won instead. Puh-lease, they should've heard our song. We even went to school 20 minutes late so that when the station called we wouldn't miss it! Well I guess one thing good came out of this - it was heaps of fun making the song!

Marija is so awesome that even though she had tickets she registered for us and helped Aswathi and me make a song up. She wasted so much time for us even though there was nothing really in it for her. Not all friends would do that! That just shows what a great friend she is. So, thank you, Marija.

So anyway, Coldplay blues aside, this week's flown past really quickly and I cannot believe it's Friday already. People tell me that year 11's get their report cards on Thursday. ARE YOU KIDDING? Why didn't I get the memo? Gah, 3 unit maths, you're going to bring me doooooown. Other than that, I think I'm quite happy with how I've gone so far this year. I've worked really hard so I hope my report card's alright!

Also, REVENGE GAAH SEASON FINALE WHICH I HAVE NOT WATCHED! IF ANYONE SPOILS IT FOR ME I WILL STAB YOU WITH A FORK!! THAT MEANS YOU KISHANI, YAFA AND MONICA!

To blog or not to blog, that is the question.

Hello. I figured I needed something productive to do when I'm avoiding doing work, so here I am, rambling uselessly on this awesome (?) blog of mine, although I'm not quite sure if blogging is very productive. Anyway, I really want to go to an old church/cathedral! There was one in Brisbane that we used to pass every time we drove into the city and every single time, I told myself that I would go in there. But hey, I never did. Oh well. There is still the whole of Europe to scour after I've finished the HSC.There's something about old things... old houses, old churches, old books... that make me itch to find that answers to their mysteries, even if they're just really boring nothings with no mystery at all. You know what, STUFF TRYING TO FIGURE OUT FUNCTIONS AND GEOMETRY. I do not really have the funds to go wandering around London right now, so I guess the next best thing would be to go out one day and just spend the entire day exploring the city. One day...




Westminster Abbey, London.




Cathedral of the Resurrection, St Petersburg.



Freedom of Speech

I must say, this blogging world feels kind of empty without Richie! Let us all have a moment of silence in memory of what a great blog he shared with us... I just hope it'll come back soon!

School certificate approaches and so our teachers find themselves wondering what to do with themselves and the class they're supposed to teach. They have a few options -
a) make the class mindlessly do past school cert papers,
b) shove textbooks in their hand and say "STUDY",
c) lecture the class about how important (but not really) the SC is,
d) talk to them about nothing in particular or, last but not least,
e) let the students run amuck like the insane animals we are.

Whatever option the teachers pick, I find myself sitting in class wondering why I bothered to walk the few metres to get to school. But over the past couple of days, I've found myself in science having really interesting conversations with my friends. Among these discussion topics was freedom of speech!

So if you were to rant about your teachers on your blog (which, I might add, seems perfectly normal to me since the point of most of our blogs is to speak our minds) and your teachers happen to find out, can they really take any action against you?

We live in a free society where we supposedly have the right to freedom of opinion and freedom of speech, right? No, not really. Though legally we're allowed to say whatever we want, society dictates what we can and cannot say. Take away all the legal mumbo jumbo and most of us would still be sitting there like polite little children wondering what the right thing to say is. I read an interesting line somewhere on the net the other day - are we more afraid of being lied to or does our real fear lie in the possibility of the truth? Now I'm not saying that we should all start screaming about how much we hate someone's hair or how ugly we think someone is, but sometimes I just wish people would say what's on their minds. A lot of the time, people are left in the dark thinking they're one person for so long that when they do finally get a reality check, it's almost too hard to bear. So if someone is annoying the hell out of you, tell them! What point is there in letting them annoy you when you could benefit the whole of society (so maybe I'm being a little over dramatic) by telling them what your problem is!

I'm also sick of all the drama that goes on because two people can't face each other and really tell each other what they think. Instead, they store it all up there in their heads and finally, one day, they explode and everything is blown way out of proportion.

I hope that made some sense. Wow, that was the longest post I've written in a while!

- thelazydreamer

I NEED TO RANT!

This week has been terrible! That's because we got our trials back. I didn't do terribly, but in my eyes I could've done much better. Yes, people are going to get pissed at me for saying that. That's the thing - even I'm pissed at myself for thinking things like that. I have such gigantic expectations for myself! Maybe, even if I got a 100% in every trial, I still wouldn't be satisfied. At my old school, I really didn't care how I went in comparison to other people. Here, that is all that matters. WHY WHY WHY ZARIN MUST YOU BE SUCH AN IDIOT FOR THINKING THINGS LIKE THAT? I'm too tired to rant anymore. What a lame rant.

MASQUERADE!

I'd always wanted to go to a masquearde but nobody had thrown one so guess what I did? I threw one! Most of the people I invited didn't come because they either had tutor (pfft, nerds these days) or were not allowed to come. I laughed because some said that their parents wouldn't let them come to Mac Fields at such a late hour. hahahaha.

Anywho, the people who did come made by belated 16th birthday extremely awesome. I was kind of scared because I thought it would be really dead and nobody would dance. But as promised, Cleo and Durga... NOT TO MENTION RICHIE! started the party. It was so awesome - although it was cold, we had a 'picnic' outside in my backyard for dinner, we danced like crayzay and flaunted our gorgeous masks. One of my favourite parts of the party was when Kishani commanded me to go on my balcony and when I did, I saw everybody standing outside looking up at me singing happy birthday. If my neighbours decide to stab me I'll blame it on you guys :) But regardless of my neighbours' annoyance, I must say, you guys sure know how to make a girl feel special.

Thank you to all of you who came. I had a really great time and I hope you guys did too. Thank you for all your awesome presents and to those of you who I invited but decided not to come, you missed out on a pretty great party :) ... well, in my opinion.

*sighs* ah well, time to go back to attempting to concentrate on English.

Adios amigos!

-thelazydreamer

Ben Barnes, you have failed me.

Today I did two things - I finished reading The Picture of Dorian Gray, by Oscar Wilde, and also ended up watching the movie - Dorian Gray. I wasn't a huge fan of the book, but I was curious about the movie. And then when I found that Ben Barnes was Dorian Gray I was like woooo!! But as the title says, I am very disappointed in him. And the movie.

The book's plotline was pretty brilliant - it was a story about a guy named Dorian Gray whose portrait got old and ruined as his soul did but his face remained as perfectly youthful. The movie should've been so good - it had quite a good cast (include Petunia Dursley!). But it focused too much on the vulgar aspects of the book instead of the really awesome, intelligently built plotline. It completely missed bits of the plot and the director or screenplay writer or whatever decided to put in their own stuff instead. The character of Emily at the end I'm pretty sure wasn't in the book, but she was one of the only good additions. The movie was so disgusting that I'm embarassed to have watched it.

And Ben Barnes! For goodness sake! There was nothing good about him in the movie aside from his attractiveness! Sure, his character dictated that he had to act all cocky but his acting was so monotonous and annoying! The few bits that he was meant to show emotion was horribly disappointing. GAH! You have failed me!

The book was soooo much better than the movie! Ajuni was right when she warned me that the movie was crappy.

Inspiration

I am in need of inspiration. Every time I sit down to right I feel my mind throw away every single idea I've ever had. It sucks. I can't even blog anymore.

Perhaps writing is more important than I thought.

Over the past couple of weeks, I have been stressing myself so much that I've even surprised myself. Yes, I do stress out a bit more than normal people, but not usually this much! I'm slowly starting to figure out what the root of all my problems are. 

Primary school was not really such a great time for me - I was constantly stuck under a cloud of worry and self doubt. Then suddenly when I reached high school, everything seemed to change. The moments when I did not have a smile on my face were becoming increasingly rare. Everyone around me, including me, seemed to notice it. I have always been trying to figure out what it is that changed me so rapidly. Now I realise that around the time when I became more happy with myself and the world around me was the time I began taking writing seriously. I had been writing since the age of eight, but I started really considering writing as something I was extremely passionate about around the time I started high school. Not only that, my marks actually became much better than what they had been. Perhaps writing is what changed it all for me. 

How does this relate to my stressed out state of mind at the moment? The thing is, all this studying and stressing out about studying (not to mention procrastinating) leaves little time for writing. I haven't been writing at all. I'm guessing that because I haven't been writing, I've been stressed out more than usual. 

Before I stop rambling and actually go write, I am going to attempt to somehow tie this post to you, oh awesome reader. Before I leave, I shall leave you with some extremely important advice: do you what you love, even when you think you should do nothing but study! Seriously, take it from someone who's been stupid enough not to realise it before - your hobbies and passions really do make you a healthier person. 

- thelazydreamer.

WOOOOO PARTAY.

I feel I must commemorate this day because today I finally got my learner's! I kind of lack common sense, so I thought I was going to fail, but now I'm really relieved! I was pretty hyper for most of today... running around and informing my parents that I could now* conquer the world >.< Hmm, seems I am just a bit over excited. Oh and about my actual license photo - not only was I told I could not smile, I was also forced to take my glasses off! As a result I look like a mass murderer ready to go on another killing spree! Anyways, this mass murderer shall be on the road soon, I'm hoping! Stay out of my way people!!

- thelazydreamer

I feel I must speak about religion.

Religion, for some reason, has been on people's minds recently. I don't know when it started, but I guess it had something to do with Durga's post about it. And even though my post will not be half as interesting as Sanjay's Hinduism-Mario theory, here's what I think/believe.

I am a Muslim, and have been one for all my life. Now that I think about it, I can't really say that anybody's really shoved religion down my throat. Yes, my parents have obviously encouraged me to live a Muslim life, but they've never really forced me to do something I don't want to. Although I do not wear a scarf, I do  pretty much everything else that a Muslim's meant to do - I pray, I fast, don't show my legs, read the Quran, bla bla bla.

Oh, and on the topic of headscarves - a lot of people ask me why I don't wear a scarf. I may consider it in the future, but right now I'm trying to find my way in the world. I'm pretty insecure about who I am and who I'm meant to be, so as invalid an excuse as it is, I don't think I could handle the questions and the looks that may and will come my way if I suddenly start wearing a scarf. Although no one in my direct family wears a scarf, a few my aunts do. My parents have never, not once, told me that I had to wear a scarf, so I will make that decision in my own time.

Anyway, it's strange that talk of religion being nonsense should come around during Ramadan, which, I'm sure you know, is one of the most important months in the Islamic calendar. It's when most Muslims become more religious.

Don't get me wrong, I respect people who are atheist just as much as someone who believes in God, but what I don't respect is when someone dismisses religion as nonsense and worthless. Obviously it does have worth to some people and saying that it's just BS will not gain you any friends. I personally have respect for pretty much every religion out there (except for a shifty few). Although I don't know much about it, Hinduism seems really interesting to me - like Durga said, all the legends and stories are pretty magical. I've also come to understand Hindu culture a bit more recently since the majority of my friend circle are Hindu.

Ah gosh, I think what I'm saying gets more pointless with every post. Don't mind me :P I'm too tired to continue. Goodnight and goodbye.

- thelazydreamer

Time is cruel.

It' 10:43 pm and sadly, most of my studious friends are now asleep. Many of them will rise early in the morning to study, study, study. I will wake up in the middle of the night to eat before fasting and pray and then, yup, you guessed it, go right back to sleep.
I won't kid myself - I'm having time problems. Maybe it's because I'm fasting and I feel tired most of the time. But I come home from school, kill time until I break my fast and then watch television for another hour. Then I sit down to do work, but my gosh, getting myself to do work is a feat in itself. A lot of people think that I'm very smart, that I study a lot, but that's really not true. I'm not smart and when I do study, it's just a huge mess of nothingness that I forget the next morning. So... yeah, it doesn't help at all.

I hate time constraints. I hate deadlines hanging over my neck like a guillotine or something. I hate knowing that in a few weeks from now, I will be sitting my trials and YES I KNOW THEY DO NOT COUNT FOR ANYTHING, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to do well. But the problem is that I cannot manage my time properly, and I have so many topics to cover before than that just the thought of it makes me want to go hide under my bed. I have not had time to do anything I love - I have not touched my guitar or keyboard in weeks, I have not had the time to reply to my friends' letters, I have not had the time to sit down and write to my heart's content. All because of my stupid time management problems. Like I said to my friend today, my life revolves around eating, sleeping and doing work (when I manage to actually do it) but I want it to be so much more.

Please, tell me that someone out there feels the way I do. And please, someone tell me how to manage my time better :(

- thelazydreamer.

My dear friends :)

 My friends have so much confidence in me. Even when I am at my lowest and am doubting myself , they're always trying to cheer me up. They have this lovely mind set that I am very smart and will be able to fulfill whatever dreams I have. An example of this is writing. Most people I know are now aware that my greatest dream is to become a published author. Even though the chances of my becoming an author are extremely tiny, they believe that one day I'll be a hugely famous writer. They are already arguing about who gets the dedication of my first book. Today Rekha said, "You can become an author and then go on Sunrise." I found that pretty random, but still, it shows that she believes that one day I'll make it.

They are always telling me that I am a very good writer, even when I don't believe it myself. They're the kind of friends I need around me right now :)
Well, a very mushy sort of post, but it has a lot of truth in it.

I shall leave you with a random picture...

- thelazydreamer.

Dinner date?

I woke up this morning with the intention of catching up with all my maths work. Clearly, I am not catching up with all my maths work and will do just as bad in the common test as I always do :) Oh wells.
So, instead of sitting at my desk like a good girl, I sat on the couch and began flicking through mindless show after mindless show, and came across one that I found particularly idiotic. I think it was called Dinner Date Australia or something? Basically it's about people who go on blind dates. And today's episode, from what I saw, was about a girl called Whatsherface who wanted to meet a tall, hot guy. Funnily enough, her blind date was a tall, mildly attractive Italian guy named Whatshisface. And she's like "Oh my gosh, he's exactly my type." Well, ladies and gents, we never saw that one coming, did we? Then the guy goes on to hold her hand and she's like, "woah, slow down man," and he's all, "maybe she's reading my signals wrong" and that's when I stopped watching because I decided that perhaps maths would be better. Gawsh, television shows these days. They're the funniest.

- thelazydreamer

Oh my goodness.

I don't think anybody in the world understands how ecstatic I feel right now. Because right now I am blogging from my MACBOOK. GAH I'm so happy. My parents bought it for me for my birthday. Dear mother and father, if I never loved you before, I do now. Haha just kidding. Must go run around the house with joy now. Goodbye!

- thelazydreamer

Hospitals are scary places...

This week I've been doing work experience at a hospital. I planned to blog every day during these four days of work experience but I can barely keep my eyes open when I get home. But today I just want to write something small. For confidentiality issues, I can't give details or names.
Throughout these few days, I've realised that nurses are probably some of the most caring, dedicated people in the world. Their efforts aren't always realised and they're often taken for granted. But from what I've seen, they're amazing - they look after each and every patient as if those patients are their own family. They speak about and witness things that others would cringe at and turn away from.
I've seen elderly people who are helpless and bedridden and must have everything done for them. I've seen elderly ladies who would probably have been extremely beautiful as young adults, but now must be lifted out of bed and cared for like a child. As one woman said - "back to babyhood".
I've seen young people not much older than me with horrible injuries that will probably have a permanent effect on their lives. In a sense, these injuries are the most heartbreaking - knowing that they may not ever lead the life that they had hoped for. We don't always pay much attention to the tragic stories of teenagers in accidents on the news, but seeing these teenagers in real life is something completely different.
Hospitals are scary places, and though I don't think I could ever be a nurse, I'd like to maybe do something in the health profession one day. I've come to realise that lives are very much like glass showpieces - beautiful, yet they can break into a million pieces so terribly easily.
- thelazydreamer

The Ghost's Child

Today was a lovely day for sitting in the sun and reading. I finished a short but intriguing story called the Ghost's Child, by Sonya Hartnett. I have to say, I have read few books that were amazing as this one.

'The sky was pitch, and gashed by lightning; loutish waves rose and slumped heavily as mudslides.  At a moment when she was filled with desperation, Maddy opened her mouth and yelled for Feather.  And half-expected him to appear, because she wanted him to so much.'

Maddy yearns for her life to be mystifying, to be as magical as a fairy story.  And then one day, on the beach she meets the strangest young man she has ever seen.

The Ghost's Child is an enchanting fable about the worth of life, and the power of love.

Firstly, a couple of warnings. Don't assume that this is a love story, and don't judge this book by it's title. I came across it completely by chance, and now that I've read it... I think epiphany is the word?

The story starts off with a strange boy suddenly appearing at old lady's home. The old lady, Matilda, starts to tell him about her life. And that's where the story begins. She tells of how she travelled with her father around the world, looking for the answer to the question: "what is the world's most beautiful thing?" She tells of how she found love, and lost love, and how she learnt to live without regrets. The most important lesson of all is that there is no point in yearning for the things that you can't have.

I had never heard about this book and wasn't very impressed by the cover either. But it really is a beautiful story. You won't regret reading it.

Sonya Hartnett writes so amazing - every sentence can be seen as a profound quote, every picture she creates is magnificent. If you're smart enough, you'll understand how the title works, and what each scene really means.

Image of the day

Well, it's not really an image is it. But I'm caught up in the Harry Potter madness (LESS THAN TWO WEEKS TO GO OMGOUEPOIRU!) I think this graphic is pretty self explanatory. READ IT.

Music-ing & Disappointing Movies

I woke up this morning and took on the goal of doing something to do with music! So after quite a few failed attempts at learning how to play songs on the keyboard off YouTube, I decided to put all my effort into mastering Rolling on the Deep by Adele. It's such an attitude filled song, it's quite amazing :D Adele is incredible.
I'm procrastinating a lot these days - I have the next chapter of my book planned out in my head yet I just can't be bothered sitting at my desk and picking up a pen. Only God knows what will happen to me during the school certificate.
Have any of you guys watched French Food Safari? I came across it while I was flicking through channels, biding my time until the ginormously long ad break finished for some other show. GAH the food looked soooo good... I sat and stared at the television and just drooled. And that episode was dedicated to chocolate... all those fatty foods... yuuuum.
I'm thinking of watching Red Riding Hood. Apparently it's really, really bad. This may sound harsh but since Catherine Hardwicke (director of Twilight) directed the movie, the outlook is quite bleak for me. Oh well, since Amanda Seyfried is the lead I'm going to try it. Hopefully it won't be too horrible.
Still on the topic of movies, yesterday I watched A Walk to Remember after.. hmm... say three or four years? The first time I watched it, I think I cried. Even if I didn't, I remember that I loved the movie. But when I watched it yesterday... oh my, it was terrible. Mandy Moore... she was just... very... cliche. "You have to promise not to fall in love with me". Note that this was said with a very pretentious expression on her face. OH MY GOSH I just clicked to another page. Thank goodness this autosaved. Anywho, movies when you look back on them really aren't that great a lot of the time. Which is disappointing.

That's all for now folks!
-thelazydreamer