This one's for you, burger.

After what seemed like a disappointingly loooong time, my friend Durga and I finally sat down to have a good conversation. It's funny really, we do Zumba together on Wednesday afternoons and we always manage to have this massive D&M session during those afternoons, kind of like in those chick flicks. Of course, I am the wise one and she is the one in desperate need of my wisdom, isn't that right Durga!?

So things have been going on in her life lately, as they do in all our lives, that have been making her question her worth as a person, as a dancer, and I was raging at her today because she doesn't realise just how amazing she is. If any one of you guys have seen her dance, you know what I am talking about: that girl has AMAZING skills (yes, I know, I've used that word many times already). And she is also a lovely person - she was the first person I met when I came to MFHS, she was my tour guide and to this day we are best friends :) So I just want to let you know Durga, please don't let the small things make you doubt yourself. Each and every person has their own special skill, and I KNOW that yours is dancing.

I guess things happen in life that you think will go a certain way - you have it all planned out perfectly, but when it all comes crashing down on you it's kind of hard to bear. And I guess you find yourself thinking, "Oh damn, oh no, why does this always happen to me?" Well, people, this is life. Life has its ups and downs, as I'm sure you all know. You have to learn to adapt to the world around you and just DEAL with the crazy crap that happens in life. Because this crazy stuff will never stop happening, unless you want to go be some hermit. I think this craziness is what makes life that much more amazing, and in the end, this craziness that makes you laugh and makes you cry at the same time will somehow lead you to something magical. Just seize the moments you are given in life, take that energy you have and give your all to create something out of this world awesome.

I don't know where I found this quote, but here it is : "Everything will be okay in the end, and if it's not okay, well then it's not the end."

Z.

Thank God for my parents.

I really shouldn't be on Blogger right now, I should be studying for the topic test I have tomorrow. But I despise studying :( so I'ma post instead :)

Well, if you know me you know that I complain about my parents and little sister. A LOT. You would also know that my dad works interstate at the moment, and comes home twice a month. But I've had enough of this situation. I feel like the only reason my parents are here is me, and they're so depressed now, because of me. I really miss my dad too... I was so used to seeing him every day that I didn't realise how much I would actually miss him if he wasn't there. I think he feels a little weird too, kind of like a visitor, visiting his own home every couple of weeks. It's a hard life for my parents, and considering all the crap they've had to go through their entire life, I don't think it's very fair for them to live this way. I just hope that my dad can get a job here soon so that my family can be together.

My parents are migrants to Australia, and as cliche as it is, they moved here in order for me and my little sister to reap the benefits of a country that isn't poverty stricken, that isn't hectic and controlled by some crazy government. Because I'm here, I have opportunities that most of the girls in Bangladesh don't have. And although I am thankful to my parents, I don't think I ever really show them how truly grateful I am. To those of us whose families have migrated here, I think we all take our parents greatness for granted. Seriously, can you imagine where you would be right now if your parents had not moved here? You would be living a completely different life. And I for one, I am gratefuly that I am not living 'the other life'. 

So I still see my dad every two weeks or so, but I can't imagine what it would be like for a girl whose parents are divorced or maybe whos parents is dead. You know, you may not realise it but you act a certain way around your parents that you could never act in front of your friends or peers. When I think about it, it's crazy the things I do when I'm at home :P I go crazy, literally. I jump around, I dance, I sing, and I hate to say it but my parents are the ones who suffer through my awesome mood swings (note the sarcasm on the word awesome). So yeah, I can't imagine what it would be like to not have that pair of people who you can truly be YOURSELF in front of.

Anyway, I am in an extremly hyper/pensive mood and I just feel like ranting on about everything! I'm not quite sure if this post made sense, but to sum it up, THANK YOU MUM AND DAD. Now, those problems on my desk aren't going to solve themselves, so I better go finish my work. D: Ciao! ~ thelazydreamer.

Gunshots in the Rain.

I think it's pretty nice of America and Britain and France to gang up on Libya and bomb them. NOT. I mean I sort of get where they're coming from - they're trying to destroy the rebel camps and their supplies, but do people not realise that what's really being destroyed are the lives of the Libyan civilians??!?! There's too much violence in the Middle East anyway, and too many innocent people are getting hurt. I can't imagine what it's like to not be able to go outside because of inhumane landmines and bullets flying every which way. Anyway, I'm not even going to pretend I understand politics and warfare (and in my opinion, there's actually nothing to understand in warfare except one word: destruction). But I was strangely inspired a couple of days ago, so I wrote this poem:

It was raining today and mixed in with the rain was ridiculously loud fireworks... I immediately thought of how somewhere in the world, those loud blasts are not fireworks but gunshots.

-----

Gunshots in the Rain

The blasting of gunshots accompaines the rain

As I bury my head in the pillows again.

My gut churns with the meaning of those thunderous shots,

Along with this nation my courage shrinks and rots.

I'd never considered this matter before:

Not the blood of this nation covering the floor.

Nor the agony of a mother as she cradles a battered son,

Nor the happiness and unity that is so cruelly undone.

Locked up with the heady sent of my fear,

Horrified, I watch all traces of peace disappear

It cowers and gives way to riot and violence

And we mourn that distant, golden memory of silence

We mourn the times when we were strangers to pain,

When the blasting of gunshots did not accompany the rain.

- ZarinNuzhat

Friday and Shiver.

Hey everyone. I'm an awesome procrastinator so here I am, yet again, carefully avoiding the evils of the pile of assignments waiting to be done.

Friday: This song, oh my gosh, the lyrics really do depict the age of this singer :O She apparently doesn't know which seat to choose, and reveals that Saturday does indeed come after Friday. Thanks for the clarification. But even though I personally don't like the song, I still feel really sorry for Rebecca Black, because no doubt she is hearing a lot of criticism about her song. Apparently this one reviewer told her to cut herself and die. Which is a bit much, I reckon.

Anyway, I must rave about an awesome book I finished reading today! It's called Shiver, by Maggie Stiefvater and it's about.. DUN DUN DUN... werewolves. And not the Twilight kind either. It's really magical, the way the author writes is just beautiful. I wish I could write like that, and after reading it I am inspired to create my own magic. I would give you a brief synopsis or whatever you call it, but I must get this English assignment out of the way!

Ciao! Z.

Zarin the Silent One?

Today was a bleh kind of day. It was mufti day, and I hate mufti days, because I hate figuring out what to wear and being me, I inevitably compare myself to others.

I think I just flunked a science test - I hate it when you start out thinking a test is easy and then you actually get past the second page.... How do I know I flunked? I didn't do a 10 mark question. =.=

Then in English, my teacher wouldn't help me with my speech. Thank God we have an extension on our history assessment. I'm feeling the pressure yet again and this weather isn't helping my bad mood.

So to the topic of this blog...

In primary school, I was a reject, sort of. I was depressed, I think, and had a really, really bad self esteem. I still do now, but back then it REALLY showed through. Then I started high school, things began to look up and I found a set of irreplaceable friends - friends that have the ability to make me laugh until I'm in tears. But I still wasn't happy - my school was a tiny one and I am a very ambitious person - so then we moved to Sydney. And here I am.

But throughout my weird schooling journey, I've always had the same problem: Apparently I am very quiet.

I asked A.N if I was quiet once and she said, "You're not quiet, it's just that everyone around you is really loud."

Is that true? Is that really it?

Whatever it is, it really annoys me. I speak, nobody hears me. I call somebody, they don't hear me and I have to literally scream at them until they turn around to pay attention to me. There's always been something just that bit more interesting than me and now it's pissing me off. I know that nobody has the intention of ignoring me or pissing me off, but it still does annoy me.

To be honest, I feel like sort of a ghost sometimes... especially in this new school, because people have already created 'bonds' and have histories together. They know who to hate, they know who to love, but I'm still trying to figure that out for myself. It's not going too well.

Add to that my inability to be 'heard' and it's just... not too great.

I don't know what's with my thoughts lately - like everybody else, I've been stressing about the huge load of schoolwork, but I've also been more self critical than usual, mentally comparing myself to EVERYBODY and picking out flaws about myself. Something tells me that this is extremely unhealthy, but how do I stop?

Z.

Disaster Zone.

Hi everyone! Let me just begin by saying WOW, I have followers :) I don't quite know how to follow you yet... so um, I'm trying! I'll get there soon.

So to the topic of this post: the world is currently a disaster zone.

I went to school and then had a 'power-nap' as CK called it this week, so I've been pretty shut off from the world. And then I log into Facebook and I see something about a major earthquake in Japan. So what do I do? I Google it.

It turns out that there's been a major 8.9 magnitude earthquake in Japan, followed by a massive tsunami. I guess it's not only been a hectic few weeks just for me, but for the entire world.

Floods in Brisbane, cyclones in northern Queensland, earthquakes in New Zealand and Japan. What is happening? Personally, I don't believe the Mayan myths (I think it's Mayan anyway) about the world ending in 2012. But right now, it sure seems like it. And to say that I'm not scared would be a complete lie. I just think we Sydney people have been extremely lucky not to be hit by this disastrous effects. Seriously, if I hadn't moved to Sydney, I would be suffering the aftermath of the Brisbane floods. I think the area around my old high school was actually flooded, plus a lot of people I know had to evacuate their homes. So I personally think that I'm extremely lucky not to have anything disastrous happen to me.

So while I was Googling pole-shifts, I found out about this thing called the supermoon. You super smart people probably know what it is anyway, but let me just explain it for my sake. Basically the moon is the closest it's been to the earth in 18 years. Some say the world's climate has been going haywire because of this. Others think this is just a coincidence. I don't know. And we silly humans have done heaps of crap to stuff up the world, so I hope this isn't our fault.

I'll say it again and again. In the security of my home, even if I'm doing my stupid assignments, I feel extremely lucky. I have never had anyone close to me die, I've never been through a natural disaster. To be honest, as much as I complain I think I've had a pretty great life.

I'll end by saying that my heart is with those who've lost loved ones over this hectic, deadly year and I hope that no more people will have to suffer through these disasters. Those who have died will be in my prayers, RIP.

Sorry if I've gotten any science stuff wrong in this post.

Z.

SLEEEEPY

Okay, so I'm not really meant to be online at the moment. I have to go to tutor in less than an hour (I started tutor just this term... gosh, I don't know how you guys handle yet another hour of school!). I had around four, maybe less, hours of sleep last night so my eyes are almost glued shut. Which is weird, cause at school today I was pretty energetic. Someone suggested this theory to me that the more you sleep, the tired-er? you feel. The less you sleep, the more energy you have. :S

Okay. Well makes sense, kind of, but NOW I AM SLEEPY!

ALL THESE ASSIGNMENTS ARE DOING MY HEAD IN! SERIOUSLY! WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE DUE IN WEEK 9, HUH? Will you teachers be laughing at us when we're all lying on the floor, so tired that we can't get up? IS THIS AMUSING TO YOU?

I'm going to do a full rant on assignments later, but no time now!

I just wanted to say that people at MFHS ... well the people I hang out with and have classes with... ARE SO SMART. seriously, I had debating trials yesterday and got to listen to a few more speeches today. You people are crazy smart. Seriously. I listened to those speeches with my jaw somewhere around my knees. They were so calm and collected, while I got up there with my arms and fingers shaking like hell! Not to mention my stutter! Damn you stutter!

Uh-oh, the father approaches. GOTTA JET!

Z.