Freedom of Speech

I must say, this blogging world feels kind of empty without Richie! Let us all have a moment of silence in memory of what a great blog he shared with us... I just hope it'll come back soon!

School certificate approaches and so our teachers find themselves wondering what to do with themselves and the class they're supposed to teach. They have a few options -
a) make the class mindlessly do past school cert papers,
b) shove textbooks in their hand and say "STUDY",
c) lecture the class about how important (but not really) the SC is,
d) talk to them about nothing in particular or, last but not least,
e) let the students run amuck like the insane animals we are.

Whatever option the teachers pick, I find myself sitting in class wondering why I bothered to walk the few metres to get to school. But over the past couple of days, I've found myself in science having really interesting conversations with my friends. Among these discussion topics was freedom of speech!

So if you were to rant about your teachers on your blog (which, I might add, seems perfectly normal to me since the point of most of our blogs is to speak our minds) and your teachers happen to find out, can they really take any action against you?

We live in a free society where we supposedly have the right to freedom of opinion and freedom of speech, right? No, not really. Though legally we're allowed to say whatever we want, society dictates what we can and cannot say. Take away all the legal mumbo jumbo and most of us would still be sitting there like polite little children wondering what the right thing to say is. I read an interesting line somewhere on the net the other day - are we more afraid of being lied to or does our real fear lie in the possibility of the truth? Now I'm not saying that we should all start screaming about how much we hate someone's hair or how ugly we think someone is, but sometimes I just wish people would say what's on their minds. A lot of the time, people are left in the dark thinking they're one person for so long that when they do finally get a reality check, it's almost too hard to bear. So if someone is annoying the hell out of you, tell them! What point is there in letting them annoy you when you could benefit the whole of society (so maybe I'm being a little over dramatic) by telling them what your problem is!

I'm also sick of all the drama that goes on because two people can't face each other and really tell each other what they think. Instead, they store it all up there in their heads and finally, one day, they explode and everything is blown way out of proportion.

I hope that made some sense. Wow, that was the longest post I've written in a while!

- thelazydreamer

I NEED TO RANT!

This week has been terrible! That's because we got our trials back. I didn't do terribly, but in my eyes I could've done much better. Yes, people are going to get pissed at me for saying that. That's the thing - even I'm pissed at myself for thinking things like that. I have such gigantic expectations for myself! Maybe, even if I got a 100% in every trial, I still wouldn't be satisfied. At my old school, I really didn't care how I went in comparison to other people. Here, that is all that matters. WHY WHY WHY ZARIN MUST YOU BE SUCH AN IDIOT FOR THINKING THINGS LIKE THAT? I'm too tired to rant anymore. What a lame rant.

MASQUERADE!

I'd always wanted to go to a masquearde but nobody had thrown one so guess what I did? I threw one! Most of the people I invited didn't come because they either had tutor (pfft, nerds these days) or were not allowed to come. I laughed because some said that their parents wouldn't let them come to Mac Fields at such a late hour. hahahaha.

Anywho, the people who did come made by belated 16th birthday extremely awesome. I was kind of scared because I thought it would be really dead and nobody would dance. But as promised, Cleo and Durga... NOT TO MENTION RICHIE! started the party. It was so awesome - although it was cold, we had a 'picnic' outside in my backyard for dinner, we danced like crayzay and flaunted our gorgeous masks. One of my favourite parts of the party was when Kishani commanded me to go on my balcony and when I did, I saw everybody standing outside looking up at me singing happy birthday. If my neighbours decide to stab me I'll blame it on you guys :) But regardless of my neighbours' annoyance, I must say, you guys sure know how to make a girl feel special.

Thank you to all of you who came. I had a really great time and I hope you guys did too. Thank you for all your awesome presents and to those of you who I invited but decided not to come, you missed out on a pretty great party :) ... well, in my opinion.

*sighs* ah well, time to go back to attempting to concentrate on English.

Adios amigos!

-thelazydreamer

Ben Barnes, you have failed me.

Today I did two things - I finished reading The Picture of Dorian Gray, by Oscar Wilde, and also ended up watching the movie - Dorian Gray. I wasn't a huge fan of the book, but I was curious about the movie. And then when I found that Ben Barnes was Dorian Gray I was like woooo!! But as the title says, I am very disappointed in him. And the movie.

The book's plotline was pretty brilliant - it was a story about a guy named Dorian Gray whose portrait got old and ruined as his soul did but his face remained as perfectly youthful. The movie should've been so good - it had quite a good cast (include Petunia Dursley!). But it focused too much on the vulgar aspects of the book instead of the really awesome, intelligently built plotline. It completely missed bits of the plot and the director or screenplay writer or whatever decided to put in their own stuff instead. The character of Emily at the end I'm pretty sure wasn't in the book, but she was one of the only good additions. The movie was so disgusting that I'm embarassed to have watched it.

And Ben Barnes! For goodness sake! There was nothing good about him in the movie aside from his attractiveness! Sure, his character dictated that he had to act all cocky but his acting was so monotonous and annoying! The few bits that he was meant to show emotion was horribly disappointing. GAH! You have failed me!

The book was soooo much better than the movie! Ajuni was right when she warned me that the movie was crappy.

Inspiration

I am in need of inspiration. Every time I sit down to right I feel my mind throw away every single idea I've ever had. It sucks. I can't even blog anymore.

Perhaps writing is more important than I thought.

Over the past couple of weeks, I have been stressing myself so much that I've even surprised myself. Yes, I do stress out a bit more than normal people, but not usually this much! I'm slowly starting to figure out what the root of all my problems are. 

Primary school was not really such a great time for me - I was constantly stuck under a cloud of worry and self doubt. Then suddenly when I reached high school, everything seemed to change. The moments when I did not have a smile on my face were becoming increasingly rare. Everyone around me, including me, seemed to notice it. I have always been trying to figure out what it is that changed me so rapidly. Now I realise that around the time when I became more happy with myself and the world around me was the time I began taking writing seriously. I had been writing since the age of eight, but I started really considering writing as something I was extremely passionate about around the time I started high school. Not only that, my marks actually became much better than what they had been. Perhaps writing is what changed it all for me. 

How does this relate to my stressed out state of mind at the moment? The thing is, all this studying and stressing out about studying (not to mention procrastinating) leaves little time for writing. I haven't been writing at all. I'm guessing that because I haven't been writing, I've been stressed out more than usual. 

Before I stop rambling and actually go write, I am going to attempt to somehow tie this post to you, oh awesome reader. Before I leave, I shall leave you with some extremely important advice: do you what you love, even when you think you should do nothing but study! Seriously, take it from someone who's been stupid enough not to realise it before - your hobbies and passions really do make you a healthier person. 

- thelazydreamer.

WOOOOO PARTAY.

I feel I must commemorate this day because today I finally got my learner's! I kind of lack common sense, so I thought I was going to fail, but now I'm really relieved! I was pretty hyper for most of today... running around and informing my parents that I could now* conquer the world >.< Hmm, seems I am just a bit over excited. Oh and about my actual license photo - not only was I told I could not smile, I was also forced to take my glasses off! As a result I look like a mass murderer ready to go on another killing spree! Anyways, this mass murderer shall be on the road soon, I'm hoping! Stay out of my way people!!

- thelazydreamer

I feel I must speak about religion.

Religion, for some reason, has been on people's minds recently. I don't know when it started, but I guess it had something to do with Durga's post about it. And even though my post will not be half as interesting as Sanjay's Hinduism-Mario theory, here's what I think/believe.

I am a Muslim, and have been one for all my life. Now that I think about it, I can't really say that anybody's really shoved religion down my throat. Yes, my parents have obviously encouraged me to live a Muslim life, but they've never really forced me to do something I don't want to. Although I do not wear a scarf, I do  pretty much everything else that a Muslim's meant to do - I pray, I fast, don't show my legs, read the Quran, bla bla bla.

Oh, and on the topic of headscarves - a lot of people ask me why I don't wear a scarf. I may consider it in the future, but right now I'm trying to find my way in the world. I'm pretty insecure about who I am and who I'm meant to be, so as invalid an excuse as it is, I don't think I could handle the questions and the looks that may and will come my way if I suddenly start wearing a scarf. Although no one in my direct family wears a scarf, a few my aunts do. My parents have never, not once, told me that I had to wear a scarf, so I will make that decision in my own time.

Anyway, it's strange that talk of religion being nonsense should come around during Ramadan, which, I'm sure you know, is one of the most important months in the Islamic calendar. It's when most Muslims become more religious.

Don't get me wrong, I respect people who are atheist just as much as someone who believes in God, but what I don't respect is when someone dismisses religion as nonsense and worthless. Obviously it does have worth to some people and saying that it's just BS will not gain you any friends. I personally have respect for pretty much every religion out there (except for a shifty few). Although I don't know much about it, Hinduism seems really interesting to me - like Durga said, all the legends and stories are pretty magical. I've also come to understand Hindu culture a bit more recently since the majority of my friend circle are Hindu.

Ah gosh, I think what I'm saying gets more pointless with every post. Don't mind me :P I'm too tired to continue. Goodnight and goodbye.

- thelazydreamer

Time is cruel.

It' 10:43 pm and sadly, most of my studious friends are now asleep. Many of them will rise early in the morning to study, study, study. I will wake up in the middle of the night to eat before fasting and pray and then, yup, you guessed it, go right back to sleep.
I won't kid myself - I'm having time problems. Maybe it's because I'm fasting and I feel tired most of the time. But I come home from school, kill time until I break my fast and then watch television for another hour. Then I sit down to do work, but my gosh, getting myself to do work is a feat in itself. A lot of people think that I'm very smart, that I study a lot, but that's really not true. I'm not smart and when I do study, it's just a huge mess of nothingness that I forget the next morning. So... yeah, it doesn't help at all.

I hate time constraints. I hate deadlines hanging over my neck like a guillotine or something. I hate knowing that in a few weeks from now, I will be sitting my trials and YES I KNOW THEY DO NOT COUNT FOR ANYTHING, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to do well. But the problem is that I cannot manage my time properly, and I have so many topics to cover before than that just the thought of it makes me want to go hide under my bed. I have not had time to do anything I love - I have not touched my guitar or keyboard in weeks, I have not had the time to reply to my friends' letters, I have not had the time to sit down and write to my heart's content. All because of my stupid time management problems. Like I said to my friend today, my life revolves around eating, sleeping and doing work (when I manage to actually do it) but I want it to be so much more.

Please, tell me that someone out there feels the way I do. And please, someone tell me how to manage my time better :(

- thelazydreamer.

My dear friends :)

 My friends have so much confidence in me. Even when I am at my lowest and am doubting myself , they're always trying to cheer me up. They have this lovely mind set that I am very smart and will be able to fulfill whatever dreams I have. An example of this is writing. Most people I know are now aware that my greatest dream is to become a published author. Even though the chances of my becoming an author are extremely tiny, they believe that one day I'll be a hugely famous writer. They are already arguing about who gets the dedication of my first book. Today Rekha said, "You can become an author and then go on Sunrise." I found that pretty random, but still, it shows that she believes that one day I'll make it.

They are always telling me that I am a very good writer, even when I don't believe it myself. They're the kind of friends I need around me right now :)
Well, a very mushy sort of post, but it has a lot of truth in it.

I shall leave you with a random picture...

- thelazydreamer.

Dinner date?

I woke up this morning with the intention of catching up with all my maths work. Clearly, I am not catching up with all my maths work and will do just as bad in the common test as I always do :) Oh wells.
So, instead of sitting at my desk like a good girl, I sat on the couch and began flicking through mindless show after mindless show, and came across one that I found particularly idiotic. I think it was called Dinner Date Australia or something? Basically it's about people who go on blind dates. And today's episode, from what I saw, was about a girl called Whatsherface who wanted to meet a tall, hot guy. Funnily enough, her blind date was a tall, mildly attractive Italian guy named Whatshisface. And she's like "Oh my gosh, he's exactly my type." Well, ladies and gents, we never saw that one coming, did we? Then the guy goes on to hold her hand and she's like, "woah, slow down man," and he's all, "maybe she's reading my signals wrong" and that's when I stopped watching because I decided that perhaps maths would be better. Gawsh, television shows these days. They're the funniest.

- thelazydreamer

Oh my goodness.

I don't think anybody in the world understands how ecstatic I feel right now. Because right now I am blogging from my MACBOOK. GAH I'm so happy. My parents bought it for me for my birthday. Dear mother and father, if I never loved you before, I do now. Haha just kidding. Must go run around the house with joy now. Goodbye!

- thelazydreamer

Hospitals are scary places...

This week I've been doing work experience at a hospital. I planned to blog every day during these four days of work experience but I can barely keep my eyes open when I get home. But today I just want to write something small. For confidentiality issues, I can't give details or names.
Throughout these few days, I've realised that nurses are probably some of the most caring, dedicated people in the world. Their efforts aren't always realised and they're often taken for granted. But from what I've seen, they're amazing - they look after each and every patient as if those patients are their own family. They speak about and witness things that others would cringe at and turn away from.
I've seen elderly people who are helpless and bedridden and must have everything done for them. I've seen elderly ladies who would probably have been extremely beautiful as young adults, but now must be lifted out of bed and cared for like a child. As one woman said - "back to babyhood".
I've seen young people not much older than me with horrible injuries that will probably have a permanent effect on their lives. In a sense, these injuries are the most heartbreaking - knowing that they may not ever lead the life that they had hoped for. We don't always pay much attention to the tragic stories of teenagers in accidents on the news, but seeing these teenagers in real life is something completely different.
Hospitals are scary places, and though I don't think I could ever be a nurse, I'd like to maybe do something in the health profession one day. I've come to realise that lives are very much like glass showpieces - beautiful, yet they can break into a million pieces so terribly easily.
- thelazydreamer

The Ghost's Child

Today was a lovely day for sitting in the sun and reading. I finished a short but intriguing story called the Ghost's Child, by Sonya Hartnett. I have to say, I have read few books that were amazing as this one.

'The sky was pitch, and gashed by lightning; loutish waves rose and slumped heavily as mudslides.  At a moment when she was filled with desperation, Maddy opened her mouth and yelled for Feather.  And half-expected him to appear, because she wanted him to so much.'

Maddy yearns for her life to be mystifying, to be as magical as a fairy story.  And then one day, on the beach she meets the strangest young man she has ever seen.

The Ghost's Child is an enchanting fable about the worth of life, and the power of love.

Firstly, a couple of warnings. Don't assume that this is a love story, and don't judge this book by it's title. I came across it completely by chance, and now that I've read it... I think epiphany is the word?

The story starts off with a strange boy suddenly appearing at old lady's home. The old lady, Matilda, starts to tell him about her life. And that's where the story begins. She tells of how she travelled with her father around the world, looking for the answer to the question: "what is the world's most beautiful thing?" She tells of how she found love, and lost love, and how she learnt to live without regrets. The most important lesson of all is that there is no point in yearning for the things that you can't have.

I had never heard about this book and wasn't very impressed by the cover either. But it really is a beautiful story. You won't regret reading it.

Sonya Hartnett writes so amazing - every sentence can be seen as a profound quote, every picture she creates is magnificent. If you're smart enough, you'll understand how the title works, and what each scene really means.

Image of the day

Well, it's not really an image is it. But I'm caught up in the Harry Potter madness (LESS THAN TWO WEEKS TO GO OMGOUEPOIRU!) I think this graphic is pretty self explanatory. READ IT.

Music-ing & Disappointing Movies

I woke up this morning and took on the goal of doing something to do with music! So after quite a few failed attempts at learning how to play songs on the keyboard off YouTube, I decided to put all my effort into mastering Rolling on the Deep by Adele. It's such an attitude filled song, it's quite amazing :D Adele is incredible.
I'm procrastinating a lot these days - I have the next chapter of my book planned out in my head yet I just can't be bothered sitting at my desk and picking up a pen. Only God knows what will happen to me during the school certificate.
Have any of you guys watched French Food Safari? I came across it while I was flicking through channels, biding my time until the ginormously long ad break finished for some other show. GAH the food looked soooo good... I sat and stared at the television and just drooled. And that episode was dedicated to chocolate... all those fatty foods... yuuuum.
I'm thinking of watching Red Riding Hood. Apparently it's really, really bad. This may sound harsh but since Catherine Hardwicke (director of Twilight) directed the movie, the outlook is quite bleak for me. Oh well, since Amanda Seyfried is the lead I'm going to try it. Hopefully it won't be too horrible.
Still on the topic of movies, yesterday I watched A Walk to Remember after.. hmm... say three or four years? The first time I watched it, I think I cried. Even if I didn't, I remember that I loved the movie. But when I watched it yesterday... oh my, it was terrible. Mandy Moore... she was just... very... cliche. "You have to promise not to fall in love with me". Note that this was said with a very pretentious expression on her face. OH MY GOSH I just clicked to another page. Thank goodness this autosaved. Anywho, movies when you look back on them really aren't that great a lot of the time. Which is disappointing.

That's all for now folks!
-thelazydreamer

Image of the day

I'm sorry, I'm not quite sure where this is... I'm guessing it's a mosque somewhere... der. I just found it on Tumblr. All I do know is that it looks amazing. To think of the work that has gone into it :O

Silence

On Thursday a lot of people from my year and I went to the youth road safety forum (I think that's what it's called). At my old school excursions were quite frequent but apparently at MFHS they're pretty rare, so everybody was very hyped up! I'm not going to go through every single event of the entire excursion, but there's one particular part of the day that really got to me. There were 3 speakers who spoke to us towards the end of the first part of the day, and each of these 3 speakers had suffered some sort of brain injury from a motor vehicle crash. It was painful to watch them limp up the stairs up to the podium thingo and when they first got up there, they just waved by way of greeting.When they started talking, everyone in the entire arena just fell silent. And I'm talking everyone - as in, thousands of high school kids. Can you imagine what it takes to get an arena full of teenagers to shut up? These speakers were immensely powerful - their words weren't even symbolic or complicated or anything, but to think that some twist of fate had stolen their ability to walk and talk properly was quite frightening to me. They described what had happened to have gotten them to that point, and also what their time in hospital to get back on their feet was like. They stumbled over words and laughed at themselves and continued retelling their story as if it didn't hurt them at all to relive what must have been painful memories. They were amazing.

-thelazydreamer

Today's awesome image.

Because I have been called a nerd many times this week.

Attractive Lawyer at Career's Day LOL

Today was career's day.

The End.

Nah, I'm kidding. Obviously I have an opinion about this. Firstly, let me ask you guys out there, when you talk to a woman, do you really stare at their chests the whole time? I ask you this because throughout the whole day, in each session, the teachers kept repeating to the guys that this was a definite DON'T. Well der, but it strikes me as kind of odd that the male teachers kept reiterating this.
Secondly, when you're talking to a person, where do you look? Apparently there's this triangle thing that encompasses the person's eyes and nose, and you're meant to look somewhere in that triangle while you're talking to them. See, I find staring at someone's eyes intently while they speak kind of awkward, but I do it anyway.
And finally, listening to people talk all day is quite tiring, surprisingly.
These lawyers came and they looked exactly what I thought a lawyer would look like - all "well groomed" as the teachers like to say, and suited up. I would actually like to be a lawyer - it's one of the jobs I've had in my mind since I started high school. Anywho, the lawyers - a middle aged woman and a young-ish guy - were struggling to keep our attention. I mean, come on, expecting a bunch of teenagers to listen to you for eighty minutes straight is kind of unreasonable. And then this other (*cough* attractive *cough*) male lawyer walked in and every single girl in the room just swivelled in their seats to watch him walk down the stairs and sit down at the front. Everything was silent, for those few moments. It was quite amusing :D Unfortunately, he did not speak. Guys, here's a tip - wear a suit and girls will be all over you.

hehe, I just felt like I had to retell this story.

-thelazydreamer

Oh my.

Well, this blog is awfully dead, is it not? And yes, I am aware I sound like a British person.
So the day before yesterday (Saturday) I finally gave in my submission for the SMH Young Writer of the Year competition. I have to say, that's probably the most effort I've ever put into a short story. I wrote about four drafts, got it checked by three teachers, and made my friends read it as well. Um, if you haven't realise, I'm a person who worries a lot. After checking and rechecking my entry a few billion times, I finally clicked 'Submit'. And that's all. I've been trying to convince myself that's what's done is done but here's a confession - I have this pathetic fear of not being 'great'. I just want my writing to be recognised somehow. But today I came to terms with the fact that there are thousands of other people around NSW who probably entered, and there will only be one winner out of all of them. The rest of them, no matter how fabulous, will 'lose'. So I'm alright with it. Damn, I don't even know why I'm writing this anymore :)

- thelazydreamer

Graphic of the day

Because I am a cat person. Someone once said I WAS a cat. What is that supposed to mean anyway?

Belated Day 10 : Things that annoy me

- assignments
- not having enough time
- my psycho mood swings
- people who gossip incessantly
- maths
- housework
- my mind
- the sound of nails against anything
- people telling me what to do
- many teachers
- people who chew with their mouths open
- people who talk with their mouths full
- many other things that I cannot be bothered listing.

Today's awesome image

cause it makes me laugh.

Day 9 of challenge : Something that stresses me out

Well, der, exams stress me out. But I am more stressed out by performing, though I love it. My insides go crazy, I can't think straight, my ears get blocked for some insane reason. When I sing my voice is so hoarse and I can't quite hit the notes, though I reach them perfectly fine when nobody's watching me. If I'm playing keyboard then my tempo gets completely stuffed up, therefore I can't sing at the right tempo either. I can't walk in a straight line - gosh, it's almost as if I'm drunk actually. When I see people looking at me I want to burst out in tears. But hey, performing is fun. It gives you a massive adrenaline rush. But yes, it still stresses me out.
Adios my dears,
-thelazydreamer

Day 8 of challenge : Something I'm afraid of

You do not want to get me started on how badly I am afraid of spiders. No, I'm not completely arachnaphobic, but OH MY GOSH I am afraid of spiders. They scare the living .... out of me. Just thinking about their bazillion eyes and hairy legs and gaaaaaaah I have to end this post now. Just now that I am afraid of spiders.
 Goodbye.
-thelazydreamer

The beginning of the end. JOKES!

Hey guys, it's been a while since I've blogged. I've had a few assignments due, but other than that, I just haven't felt like going on the computer. My iPod seriously needs an update and this blog is going down the drain. :(
It's 10:30 pm and I never post at this hour. Nevertheless, I feel like this day should be commemorated. It's the 1st of June, and it was exactly one year ago that I became a student of MFHS. Throughout this year I've met a whole range of people, had some of the most amazing experiences, and went through many firsts (does that even make sense?).
I always talk about how great my friends are. I have never met people quite like them.
My creative side has been allowed to grow at MFHS... I think it was Durga who said that MFHS brings out the best in people - it allows people to be someone they never thought they could be. Wise words indeed.
I'm well on my way to conquering stage fright, I've written over fifty thousand words of stories, not to mention the fact that I've been taking my writing way more seriously AND I can now play the guitar.
However, there are a few amazing Brisbane people lacking in my life, and if they were here everything would be perfect. This one year at MFHS means one year away from them, and I hope that they haven't forgotten me just yet. People change, but I hope that they're still the same freaks that I love.
So, my dear internet peeps, appreciate what you have. Make the most of your time, wherever and whoever you are.

Ciao.
-thelazydreamer.

New thang!

I have decided that everyday (well, everytime I come on Blogspot) I will post a daily photo/graphic of some sort that I think is inspiring, beautiful, or just plain cool.

So here's today's:

And I did not pick this because we did Alice in Wonderland in English last term. I picked it because it is pretty much exactly what I would say : The crazy people are always the coolest and most fun to be around.

Day 6 of challenge : My Dream House

Hello everyone. This is going to be a really short post. I used to live in a two bedroom unit, and now I live in a two story 5 bedroom house. So it's safe to say that I'm content, and I am pretty much living in my dream house. Ciao!

-thelazydreamer

Stolen by Lucy Christopher

Around the time when the SRP was due and we were doing our English half-yearlies, I said to myself, "STUFF THIS!" and started reading instead.
Being the nerdy book lover that I am, I shall review one of my new favourite books.

It happened like this. I was stolen from an airport. Taken from everything I knew, everything I was used to. Taken to sand and heat, dirt and danger. And he expected me to love him. This is my story. A letter from nowhere.

Stolen, by Lucy Christopher, is a book about a girl named Gemma who is kidnapped from an airport and taken to the middle of nowhere, a.k.a the Great Sandy Desert in Australia. Her captor is a guy named Ty (or Tyler) who has problems of his own, and has pretty much been stalking her for years. But he's not quite the type of kidnapper you'd expect.

No, this is not a book about vampires and wolves and fairies and what not. It's a straight up fiction book with a psychological twist. You find yourself starting to sort of sympathise or even like Ty, even though he's this creepy kidnapper guy. It's Stockholm Syndrome, and if you don't know what that is, it's where the kidnapped person starts to feel affection or sympathy for their captor. The book is sort of scary in the sense that as Gemma develops Stockholm Syndrome throughout the book, it's as if you yourself are developing it along with her.

I was a bit wary of the book at the start, because it's in second person and I've never read a good book that's written completely in second person. Also, there are only two main characters in the entire book, but I've come to see that that's actually a good thing because that means you become more attached to those characters. It's not as if Lucy Christopher's writing is extremely flowery. It doesn't make you stand back and go "wow, that is some poetic writing". Her writing is perfectly natural and the book always keeps you hooked.

It also presented Australia in a new light to me. Despite the fact that most of Australia is dry desert, I've never ever seen a desert with my own two eyes. And to have an English author portray it so graphically and beautifully to me was quite an experience.

So if you're looking for a way to evade your studying and procrastinate, I think Stolen is an awesome book. READ IT!

-thelazydreamer

Day 6 of Challenge : My favourite TV shows

I will never be able to quite understand how television plays such a huge role in the loves of Sydney people. It seems everyone is addicted, everyone is sharing inside jokes about what happened in the last episode of whatever, everyone watches tv online. Well, I for one don't. I snag a few episodes of my few favourite tv shows off friends and SOMETIMES watch tv online, although I'm usually behind because I'm so busy. Anyway, here are my favourite TV shows: 

- The Vampire Diaries

- Pretty Little Liars

- Glee? 

- I am starting to like Masterchef for some odd reason

- So You Think You Can Dance!

- Criminal Minds

And the shows I wish I could watch more of!

- How I Met Your Mother

- 90210

- White Collar

And please tell me why people are so addicted to Jersey Shore? 

The Joy of Performing

A few days ago our school held a Variety Night, where the most talented of students performed for around 500 people. I was one of those performers, although, I'm definitely one of the most talented. I have extreme stage fright, so I was incredibly amazed when I went up on that stage and did not feel anything except a slightly quickened heartbeat. I just sang, and listened to the music around me, and everytime the crowd cheered for me and sang along with me, I felt amazing. I started off in the wrong key and very shakily, but once people started singing along and I got used to all the faces staring up at me, it was okay. Perhaps I didn't hit all the notes, my voice definitely was not the best, and will not be the best, but I'm so happy that I actually performed. The people who performed along side me were so laid back and literally took me by the shoulders and shook me, saying that it was going to be fine.  Like my friend said the other day, all the performances I give will build up my confidence until eventually I'm not phased by all those eyes boring into me. I don't care as much as before about making a fool of myself anymore. I've realised that I love that hyped up feeling, that adrenaline rush, when you walk off that stage to the cheers of all your friends. Thank you guys, for making me special.

Most of the other performers were incredible. I particularly loved the performances by two senior girls, who sang 'Grenade' by Bruno Mars' and 'One in a million' by Ne-Yo. One day, I hope I'll be able to sing on stage with as much confidence as them. They were beautiful. One of my best friends did a dance with a guy in our year and it was HAWT. They were not only awesome dancers, but also awesome actors.

So now I'm more focused on music as ever. Perhaps I'll never be able to be the musician I dream of being, but I'm going to have fun :D I can't wait till the next time I perform. Sorry guys, I guess you're going to have to block your ears :)

Also, a special mention to an awesome friend of mine - Richie. While we were waiting out in the quad, I was going crazy, and he managed to calm me down and kept telling me that I was going to do great. Haha, and he was also there with me for the first and hopefully last time I got blocked by security guards. Thanks RICHIE :D Thank you T, for teaching me that I need to relax and live in the moment. Thank you for letting me rant to you. And thank you Yvonne, Hyrum, Tim, and my brilliant friends who gave me enough courage to get on that stage.

-thelazydreamer

Day 5 of challenge : Qualities I believe are necessary in a relationship

Hey guys, here's day 5 of the challenge. Yes, I know I'm not posting everyday, as I'm supposed to in this challenge.

So what is meant exactly by a relationship? I'm just going to focus on the main two I can think of - boyfriend/girlfriend and just friends.

In a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, I think you should be able to rant to each other whenever you want to, about whatever you want to rant about, without the other person making a billion false assumptions about you. I think that the couple should be able to discuss the deepest feelings of their hearts, no matter how dangerous, yet know that they don't have to tell each other every single detail of their loves. I think that they should be able to make each other laugh. Too often these days do I see what I like to call 'make-believe' couples, who claim they are 'going-out' yet to actually see them talking to each other is a rare phenomenon. And the two only end up getting hurt when they finally realise that they're in the relationship for the wrong reason. I'm hardly the right person to be talking about relationships, though.

In a good, solid friendship, all the above things should be there. The friends should be able to discuss anything they want with each other. They need to have the same mentality and appreciate the same values. I know this may seem kind of unrealistic but unless the two friends have the same values, they're only going to start irritating each other. For example, if one of the friends loves their parents to bits yet the other frequently swears at their parents, then obviously they're going to disagree. The friends should always be able to call each other for a shoulder to lean on. They should always be there to rely each other, even in the worst of moments.

- thelazydreamer.

Day 4 of challenge : A Place I've Travelled To

Even though I've lived there, let's just use Brisbane because I LOVE BRISBANE! And I 'travelled' there at the end of last year.

Brisbane is really laid back, and it will seem even more laid back if you're from a big city like Sydney. The city was really close to my home, you could travel everywhere on a bus and it was just so easy to go out for the day and have fun with friends. I love the Sunday markets and the street at Southbank full of restaurants and ice cream shops. There are ibis everywhere, and the tables are set out in the sun. If you walk down that street, your senses will thank you. There are so many different types of people, colours, aromas, sounds, tastes, the feel of sun on your skin.

Talking about Brisbane is making me nostalgic.

Goodnight, dear blog peoples.
 

Day 3 of challenge : My parents

My world is a very small place and the people in it mean the world to me. Two of these very people are my parents, two of the most brilliant people I'll probably ever meet. And I don't mean that as a cliche, by the way. I'm a teenager, so I probably choose to see bad things about them, but I don't think I'll ever be able to grasp just how much they've given up to make my life awesome. Right now my dad works interstate, and its weird not to be able to see him everyday. I miss him. And my mum is an amazing woman, and I'm not being mushy or anything. She could've been something big, but she's stayed at home just for me and my sister. She's very lenient and puts an incredible amount of trust in me, which is why it's so hard for me to lie to her. Yes, there are bad things about my parents, but doesn't everybody have bad things about them?
I love my parents, and that's about it.
Ciao
- thelazydreamer.

now would be a good time to say, OMG.

Wow! I haven't posted since the 2nd of May! That was what... 15 days ago? Well, to those of you who've been bugging me to post, here I am :D Yes, I know, I epically failed that 12 day challenge thing, but I'm just going to pick up where I left off. So today I'll be posting day 3, hopefully. Anyway, the reason I've been MIA is a stack of stupid assignments and exams! Ah, they're always getting the better of me. I seriously need to learn to manage my time better.
But, now that I'm back after so many days, I have so many things to blog about and I don't know where to start! So I'm just going to pick the most current thing, VARIETY NIGHT.

Um, I'm guessing most of you are from MFHS, right? But to those of you who aren't, Variety Night is a school concert that's apparently very BIG. and LOUD. It's new to me, but this year I, along with many of my freaky talented friends, will be performing. If you know me, you know that I'm not the most self-confident person. I am not very loud, either. Me attempting to sing at a concert is a challenge to myself, I guess. I won't grow any more confident if I don't try, right? I'm going to be performing with a BAND? Is that what it is? of awesome musicians. All three of them are musical freaks (that's a compliment, by the way) in their own ways. The rapper plays the saxomophone and piano, which is a surprise to me, the drummer is this crazy talented guy who can pick up just any instrument and start playing, and the pianist is just out of this world with her skills.

Let's just hope I don't stuff my part up too bad :) and good luck to the rest of the performers!
-thelazydreamer

Day 2 of Challenge - Meaning Behind My Blog Name

Well, this is pretty easy. I mean if you haven't noticed, this kind of already explained at the very top of this blog. Anyway, I shall repeat.

The Lazy Dreamer. Why? Because I am a lazy dreamer! You have no idea how many dreams I dream, how badly I have my heads stuck in my cloud. I want to sing I want to write I want to go to Europe I want to do this I want to do that gah! I wish I could just be content. But the worst part of it is that I never actually put in the work that it takes to achieve those dreams because I am so LAZY! But it's getting better now. Since coming to Sydney I feel like my world has opened up a lot and I've been able to pursue my dreams more. So yeah! You get it?

Day 1 of Challenge: Introduction to my challenge and 5 facts/anecdotes of my life

WOOO I'M DOING A CHALLENGE INSTEAD OF DOING WORK! I'M SO HAPPY!

Alright. So here goes.

Hello. My name is Zarin. This is my challenge. Seriously, could I get any lamer?
I'm Zarin and I'm doing this challenge because I have nothing better to do and other people are doing it and it looks cool and fun! I hope I get something out of this at the end, although I don't know what that could possibly be =='

5 facts:

1. I dream a lot - as in literally dream, in my sleep. They're always really, really crazy and often include people that I don't even talk to. One time, this guy I never talk to was defending me against one of my good friends. And my dreams are so realistic too!

2. I am Bengali! And a proud one at that. I haven't been back to my home country in years and years, but still, I love it! And if you ever call me Indian I will hit you. It's not that I don't like Indians but I hate that people don't recognise Bangladesh as a country. You will not believe how many people I've met that didn't even know it existed.

3. I am a writer. Uh, an aspiring author. Whatever you wanna call me, I write stories. I never used to write short stories but now I find myself getting random ideas out of nowhere that make me want to write. I almost finished a full-length novel but got angry at how crappy it was so I gave up on it. But I've learnt a lot from my mistakes and now I am writing a novel that is much better than anything I've written before. Yes, it may seem like I have no life, but give me a piece of paper and a pen and I shall be content :)

4. I love music. It's been one of those everlasting dreams of mine to make my name in music, be that playing an instrument, singing or doing both. I've always wanted to be in a band too. Two things stop me from making my music dreams come true though - 1) my parents, who are very academic minded, and 2) my absolutely horrendous stage fright. I am now teaching myself guitar, can sort of play keyboard and I also sing.

5. I miss Brisbane and all the people that I've left behind. I'm actually surprised - there were heaps of people that I despised but now I actually miss them too. I miss my best friends, who I hope are still my best friends, though we do not get to talk very much. I lived there for so long that if you just dropped me in the middle of a random suburb, I'd probably be able to make my way home. Eventually.

Wow, I actually wrote heaps! Well, I'm off now. Ciao!

Modern day fairytale? More like modern day melodrama!

I'm not quite sure what melodrama exactly means but it sounds correct.

I'm sure you've all heard that Kate Middleton is getting married to Prince William, yah? Well, I've heard it SO many times that I'm getting kind of pissed off now. Yes, the future king of England is getting married, yes it's a big deal for him and his family and the British government and what not, but I do not understand why a movie has to be made about it?!?!?!

I turned on the last night and there was a movie on called "Will & Kate: A Modern Day Fairytale" and I watched a few moments of it. All I felt was complete and utter embarassment for Prince William and Kate. Honestly, how would you feel if your whole relationship with the person you were going to get married to was made into a MOVIE and aired in a country on the other side of the earth? All the moments you wish you could forget, plus all the moments that people made up just because they felt like it. Cringeworthy or what? I mean, I would totally love to marry a prince and all, but I am honestly getting sick of this royal wedding business. Please stop and put on some interesting tv shows instead, capiche? I would not blame Kate Middleton for going absolutely INSANE at this very moment. Not that I've gotten married before or anything (or have I? o.O) but a wedding must be pretty hectic and stressful right? Add to that a million gazillion eyes watching you from all corners of the globe, ready for you to stuff up! I mean look what happened to poor Princess Diana! GAWSH! I swear, if Prince William and Kate get divorced, I will... I don't know. Something major. Oh, are they actually allowed to get divorced if they want to?

Well I'm not quite sure if that made sense, but, RANT OVER. Adios amigos.

- thelazydreamer

Hello, I like to procrastinate.

So I've seen Richie doing this thing, and now Durga's doing it, and now I wanna do it cause I'm bored.


Challenge 1: Day 1: Introduction to my challenge and 5 facts/anecdotes of my life

Challenge 2: Day 2: Meaning behind my blog name

Challenge 3: Day 3: My parents

Challenge 4: Day 4: A place I've travelled to

Challenge 5: Day 5: Qualities in a relationship that I believe are necessary

Challenge 6: Day 6: My Favorite tv shows

Challenge 7: Day 7: My Dream house

Challenge 8: Day 8: Something I'm afraid of

Challenge 9: Day 9 : Something that stresses me out

Challenge 10: Day 10: Things that annoy me

Challenge 11: Day 11: My first love

Challenge 12: Day 12: 3 of my wishes

Thank you, internet.

The internet, in my opinion, is such a great thing. Yes, the movies and the music and the games are great, but I'm talking about the massive creative outlet that it provides. If I'm correct, Justin Bieber became famous because of YouTube, right? Not that I'm too keen on using Justin Bieber as an example, but he demonstrates exactly what I'm talking about. Because of YouTube, ORDINARY people can be discovered by not only millions of people around the world, but also by producers and music companies. If that isn't amazing, I don't know what is. There are heaps of singers and musicians on YouTube that have gotten deals because of the fact that they've posted covers on the site.
Then there's DeviantArt, where ordinary people are posting extraordinary graphics and photographs and art that they've created. The talent on that site is absolutely crazy. 
The main thing I'm thankful for is writing websites, like Inkpop and Wattpad. Because of Wattpad mainly, sooo many people have read my work, more people than I thought was possible. People from England, Greece, Norway, America, India, Canada, New Zealand... they've read and commented on my work, and I swear, everytime I read those comments I can't wipe the smile from my face. I'm 15, and people all over the world are reading my stories and poetry and novels. IT'S SO AWESOME!
Even this blog that I'm writing on right now! To you bloggers out there, who knows? Maybe you could land a job as a journalist or a reporter in a top newspaper/magazine because of this blog that you're writing at this very moment.
I hate to sound like an adult, but it is true - the internet is overflowing with countless opportunities. Be thankful! And if there ever was a time for you to pursue your dreams, it's now.

- thelazydreamer.

Kumaaa's 16th!

Hello there everyone :) I'm in an extremely good mood right now! I just got back from one of my best friend's 16th birthday party, which she held at Rashay's. Since I'm so happy right now, I decided I better write about it while the memories are... fresh?

So we sat down to our appetiser (which Monica mistook for the main course) which was this dry pizza-ish thing. We all attempted to dig in to it with knives and forks, but ended up using our fingers like real curries :) Oh, Marija and Richie and Charis decided to be curry for a while too. Monica freaked me out by munching on this horrific looking baby octopus (I DESPISE SEAFOOD, except maybe prawns and certain fish) and  I made a fool of myself trying to eat pasta.

Us gaaals dashed to the bathroom to check our hair (well I watched people fix their hair) and at the last moment, KRISHNA CHARGED INTO THE GIRLS BATHROOM, AND YES THEIRE IS PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. Ah Krishna, you know, sometimes I worry about you.

We ran around Rashay's like 'hooligans', attracting attention because of our insanely loud laughter and chatter. Mostly laughter. Everyone looked absolutely gorgeous. Richie was all suited up :D and Charis wore a dress for the first time, I think, and she looked beautiful. We took sooo many photos its crazy. Everywhere I looked there were camera flashes. When I blink I still see outrageously bright lights.

Chantelle, the birthday girl, looked incredible. It was pretty funny watching her fail at blowing out candles. It's scary to think that one of our friends has already turned 16. Is 16 really such a significant age? For me, it is. To me anything under 15 seems really young and 16 signifies 'maturity', so to speak. Thank you, Chantelle, for such an incredible night. I have realised tonight that I really love this bunch of friends :) I hope you're granted with happiness for the rest of your life. Being the kind of wonderful person you are, you deserve it.

Enough of this mushiness.

Tonight was fun :) Can't wait for the next 16th party!

- thelazydreamer

The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas.

A couple of days ago I watched a movie called The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas. It's based on a book by John Boyne, and is about a boy named Bruno and his friendship with a Jewish boy called Schmuel (pronounced Shmall). Because his father is a Nazi soldier, Bruno and his family move to a new home which is next to a concentration camp. Bruno's father is basically the boss of this concentration camp. But Bruno doesn't know it's a concentration camp and thinks it's a farm. Seeing people there, he secretly goes there in search of friends and meets Schmuel. He and Schmuel become the best of friends, even though they can only talk through a barbed wire fence. I'm not going to ruin the ending for you, if you haven't watched it.
I think the most amazing thing about this movie is how it has incorportated the innocence of children. Bruno and Schmuel are too young and innocent to even understand the war waging around them, but they're still subject to its cruelties. Their actions are controlled by the desire to have loved ones close to them, and to be friends with each other. The ending is really unpredictable and had a really major effect on me. I haven't been able to get this movie out of my head since I watched it. It's been haunting me for days.

Sometimes I'm disappointed by humanity. Think about it, this war was designd to exterminate a whole race? of poeple, just because of what they believed in. Christians, Muslims, Jews... they all believe in a God. Jews say 'shalom', Muslims say 'salaam.' Muslims say 'amin' and Jews and Christians say 'amen'. But these differences fuel people's need to KILL OTHER PEOPLE?! One thing I don't understand is how, in World War II, the Nazis had the heart to kill so many children. Had the children done anything to them? Heck no! They didn't even understand why they were being killed! These people were gassed to death! WHAT A HORRIBLE WAY TO DIE! And now there are people sitting in their homes DENYING the holocaust!
Well anyway, sorry for this massive rant. It's just that this movie really made me think. My opinions don't have to be your opinions, but I'm just saying... I'm horrified by what happened to the Jewish people. Nobody deserves to die for the God they believe in.
-thelazydreamer.

Life.

I love the music in this video. I promise this is less weirder than the alien video.

-thelazydreamer

WTF? Aliens?

I was NOT searching through YouTube for this or anything =.= but yeah it showed up on my NewsFeed on Facebook and I foudn it really weird. So, thoughts?
- thelazydreamer

Stupid Stage Fright.

Today has been an excellent day... for picking out my many flaws. I am really, really not confident, as I am coming to realise more and more each day. Everytime I think that maybe I've conquered this problem of mine, I just fall again. I am so jealous of people who can just laugh and dance and sing and make fools of themselves without thinking twice. I envy you people so, so much.
So today was auditions for Variety Night, and I massacred the song. I actually think I was doing okay when it was just me singing in front of Yvonne or my mum o.O. And then, when I sung it at the actualy audition, I absolutely blew up - and that's not a good thing, by the way. I could hear myself missing all the notes and I was just thinking, why the hell is this happening to me now?
I can't remember the last time I gave a good performance. My stage fright is so horrible that sometimes it makes me want to cry. People tell me to just SING and BE CONFIDENT but for some reason, that's almost impossible for me. Oh trust me, I wish I could just SING and BE CONFIDENT but I JUST CANNOT! SOMEBODY PLEASE, PLEASE HELP ME!
- thelazydreamer

Still a Stranger?

I posted this on my Tumblr as well.


“With every sun that sets I am feeling more like a stranger on a foreign shore.”

This lyric from Death Cab for Cutie got me thinking and, uh, a little emotional.

I recently moved cities from where I lived for 7 years of my life. And now that I’m here, there’s plenty of things that I’m happy about and grateful for. But everytime I think about all the people I’ve left behind and all the memories that are slowly but surely fading away, I get this hollow feeling inside of me.

I remember my last day of school at YSHS. I was made to feel pretty special :) I took a billion and one stupid photos with my friends and that final hour of school was like an impending doom or something. I remember trying not to break into tears as all my friends started crying around me.

Obviously, I gave in to those tears in the end.

It makes me sad that I don’t see my friends everyday and I don’t hear their voices everyday either. In this age where loooong phone calls have been replaced by meaningless emoticons and abbreviations like ‘ILY’, it’s not possible to talk to my friends everyday. I don’t go on MSN very often because of my busy lifestyle. Sometimes I wish I was a teenager 10 years ago or something. It seems like life would’ve been more… real.

So sometimes when I’m sitting at school, I get this feeling of being a ‘stranger’. Those moments come so randomly and are triggered by the smallest of things, but when they do happen I feel sort of horrible. I miss my home city more than ever in those moments. I guess every new person gets these feelings, this nostalgia and homesickness, but it’s really painful sometimes.

But I am happy to have met these awesome people here and there are definitely things here that I didn’t have in the past. I just hope this homesickness passes soon.

- thelazydreamer.

SO disappointed.

Hey guys :) I'm starting to realise that Blogger can get sort of addictive...
anyway. My favourite band was Paramore... what can I say, their music just gets to me. And Hayley Williams, the lead singer of Paramore, used to be a massive inspiration to me. Her voice is so powerful and meaningful... I've always wanted to be able to sing like that. But I was talking to Charis today about music, and she told me about a Twitter scandal involving Hayley. Apparently, she 'accidentally' posted a topless photo of herself onto her site. I have no idea how that works, but ok. And then BAM, all my respect in her was gone. I used to think she was an amazing person, but the fact that she can get to this point irritates me to no end. Is all the attention she's getting finally getting to her? Oh please, please don't end up like Britney Spears.
And although it's been in the works for a while, Josh and Zac Farror (guitarists) are leaving the band. MY FAVOURITE BAND IS SPLITTING UP GUYS! Let's have a minute to mourn what used to be an incredible band. It just goes to show, maybe fame does things to you. Bad things.
Z.

This one's for you, burger.

After what seemed like a disappointingly loooong time, my friend Durga and I finally sat down to have a good conversation. It's funny really, we do Zumba together on Wednesday afternoons and we always manage to have this massive D&M session during those afternoons, kind of like in those chick flicks. Of course, I am the wise one and she is the one in desperate need of my wisdom, isn't that right Durga!?

So things have been going on in her life lately, as they do in all our lives, that have been making her question her worth as a person, as a dancer, and I was raging at her today because she doesn't realise just how amazing she is. If any one of you guys have seen her dance, you know what I am talking about: that girl has AMAZING skills (yes, I know, I've used that word many times already). And she is also a lovely person - she was the first person I met when I came to MFHS, she was my tour guide and to this day we are best friends :) So I just want to let you know Durga, please don't let the small things make you doubt yourself. Each and every person has their own special skill, and I KNOW that yours is dancing.

I guess things happen in life that you think will go a certain way - you have it all planned out perfectly, but when it all comes crashing down on you it's kind of hard to bear. And I guess you find yourself thinking, "Oh damn, oh no, why does this always happen to me?" Well, people, this is life. Life has its ups and downs, as I'm sure you all know. You have to learn to adapt to the world around you and just DEAL with the crazy crap that happens in life. Because this crazy stuff will never stop happening, unless you want to go be some hermit. I think this craziness is what makes life that much more amazing, and in the end, this craziness that makes you laugh and makes you cry at the same time will somehow lead you to something magical. Just seize the moments you are given in life, take that energy you have and give your all to create something out of this world awesome.

I don't know where I found this quote, but here it is : "Everything will be okay in the end, and if it's not okay, well then it's not the end."

Z.

Thank God for my parents.

I really shouldn't be on Blogger right now, I should be studying for the topic test I have tomorrow. But I despise studying :( so I'ma post instead :)

Well, if you know me you know that I complain about my parents and little sister. A LOT. You would also know that my dad works interstate at the moment, and comes home twice a month. But I've had enough of this situation. I feel like the only reason my parents are here is me, and they're so depressed now, because of me. I really miss my dad too... I was so used to seeing him every day that I didn't realise how much I would actually miss him if he wasn't there. I think he feels a little weird too, kind of like a visitor, visiting his own home every couple of weeks. It's a hard life for my parents, and considering all the crap they've had to go through their entire life, I don't think it's very fair for them to live this way. I just hope that my dad can get a job here soon so that my family can be together.

My parents are migrants to Australia, and as cliche as it is, they moved here in order for me and my little sister to reap the benefits of a country that isn't poverty stricken, that isn't hectic and controlled by some crazy government. Because I'm here, I have opportunities that most of the girls in Bangladesh don't have. And although I am thankful to my parents, I don't think I ever really show them how truly grateful I am. To those of us whose families have migrated here, I think we all take our parents greatness for granted. Seriously, can you imagine where you would be right now if your parents had not moved here? You would be living a completely different life. And I for one, I am gratefuly that I am not living 'the other life'. 

So I still see my dad every two weeks or so, but I can't imagine what it would be like for a girl whose parents are divorced or maybe whos parents is dead. You know, you may not realise it but you act a certain way around your parents that you could never act in front of your friends or peers. When I think about it, it's crazy the things I do when I'm at home :P I go crazy, literally. I jump around, I dance, I sing, and I hate to say it but my parents are the ones who suffer through my awesome mood swings (note the sarcasm on the word awesome). So yeah, I can't imagine what it would be like to not have that pair of people who you can truly be YOURSELF in front of.

Anyway, I am in an extremly hyper/pensive mood and I just feel like ranting on about everything! I'm not quite sure if this post made sense, but to sum it up, THANK YOU MUM AND DAD. Now, those problems on my desk aren't going to solve themselves, so I better go finish my work. D: Ciao! ~ thelazydreamer.

Gunshots in the Rain.

I think it's pretty nice of America and Britain and France to gang up on Libya and bomb them. NOT. I mean I sort of get where they're coming from - they're trying to destroy the rebel camps and their supplies, but do people not realise that what's really being destroyed are the lives of the Libyan civilians??!?! There's too much violence in the Middle East anyway, and too many innocent people are getting hurt. I can't imagine what it's like to not be able to go outside because of inhumane landmines and bullets flying every which way. Anyway, I'm not even going to pretend I understand politics and warfare (and in my opinion, there's actually nothing to understand in warfare except one word: destruction). But I was strangely inspired a couple of days ago, so I wrote this poem:

It was raining today and mixed in with the rain was ridiculously loud fireworks... I immediately thought of how somewhere in the world, those loud blasts are not fireworks but gunshots.

-----

Gunshots in the Rain

The blasting of gunshots accompaines the rain

As I bury my head in the pillows again.

My gut churns with the meaning of those thunderous shots,

Along with this nation my courage shrinks and rots.

I'd never considered this matter before:

Not the blood of this nation covering the floor.

Nor the agony of a mother as she cradles a battered son,

Nor the happiness and unity that is so cruelly undone.

Locked up with the heady sent of my fear,

Horrified, I watch all traces of peace disappear

It cowers and gives way to riot and violence

And we mourn that distant, golden memory of silence

We mourn the times when we were strangers to pain,

When the blasting of gunshots did not accompany the rain.

- ZarinNuzhat

Friday and Shiver.

Hey everyone. I'm an awesome procrastinator so here I am, yet again, carefully avoiding the evils of the pile of assignments waiting to be done.

Friday: This song, oh my gosh, the lyrics really do depict the age of this singer :O She apparently doesn't know which seat to choose, and reveals that Saturday does indeed come after Friday. Thanks for the clarification. But even though I personally don't like the song, I still feel really sorry for Rebecca Black, because no doubt she is hearing a lot of criticism about her song. Apparently this one reviewer told her to cut herself and die. Which is a bit much, I reckon.

Anyway, I must rave about an awesome book I finished reading today! It's called Shiver, by Maggie Stiefvater and it's about.. DUN DUN DUN... werewolves. And not the Twilight kind either. It's really magical, the way the author writes is just beautiful. I wish I could write like that, and after reading it I am inspired to create my own magic. I would give you a brief synopsis or whatever you call it, but I must get this English assignment out of the way!

Ciao! Z.

Zarin the Silent One?

Today was a bleh kind of day. It was mufti day, and I hate mufti days, because I hate figuring out what to wear and being me, I inevitably compare myself to others.

I think I just flunked a science test - I hate it when you start out thinking a test is easy and then you actually get past the second page.... How do I know I flunked? I didn't do a 10 mark question. =.=

Then in English, my teacher wouldn't help me with my speech. Thank God we have an extension on our history assessment. I'm feeling the pressure yet again and this weather isn't helping my bad mood.

So to the topic of this blog...

In primary school, I was a reject, sort of. I was depressed, I think, and had a really, really bad self esteem. I still do now, but back then it REALLY showed through. Then I started high school, things began to look up and I found a set of irreplaceable friends - friends that have the ability to make me laugh until I'm in tears. But I still wasn't happy - my school was a tiny one and I am a very ambitious person - so then we moved to Sydney. And here I am.

But throughout my weird schooling journey, I've always had the same problem: Apparently I am very quiet.

I asked A.N if I was quiet once and she said, "You're not quiet, it's just that everyone around you is really loud."

Is that true? Is that really it?

Whatever it is, it really annoys me. I speak, nobody hears me. I call somebody, they don't hear me and I have to literally scream at them until they turn around to pay attention to me. There's always been something just that bit more interesting than me and now it's pissing me off. I know that nobody has the intention of ignoring me or pissing me off, but it still does annoy me.

To be honest, I feel like sort of a ghost sometimes... especially in this new school, because people have already created 'bonds' and have histories together. They know who to hate, they know who to love, but I'm still trying to figure that out for myself. It's not going too well.

Add to that my inability to be 'heard' and it's just... not too great.

I don't know what's with my thoughts lately - like everybody else, I've been stressing about the huge load of schoolwork, but I've also been more self critical than usual, mentally comparing myself to EVERYBODY and picking out flaws about myself. Something tells me that this is extremely unhealthy, but how do I stop?

Z.

Disaster Zone.

Hi everyone! Let me just begin by saying WOW, I have followers :) I don't quite know how to follow you yet... so um, I'm trying! I'll get there soon.

So to the topic of this post: the world is currently a disaster zone.

I went to school and then had a 'power-nap' as CK called it this week, so I've been pretty shut off from the world. And then I log into Facebook and I see something about a major earthquake in Japan. So what do I do? I Google it.

It turns out that there's been a major 8.9 magnitude earthquake in Japan, followed by a massive tsunami. I guess it's not only been a hectic few weeks just for me, but for the entire world.

Floods in Brisbane, cyclones in northern Queensland, earthquakes in New Zealand and Japan. What is happening? Personally, I don't believe the Mayan myths (I think it's Mayan anyway) about the world ending in 2012. But right now, it sure seems like it. And to say that I'm not scared would be a complete lie. I just think we Sydney people have been extremely lucky not to be hit by this disastrous effects. Seriously, if I hadn't moved to Sydney, I would be suffering the aftermath of the Brisbane floods. I think the area around my old high school was actually flooded, plus a lot of people I know had to evacuate their homes. So I personally think that I'm extremely lucky not to have anything disastrous happen to me.

So while I was Googling pole-shifts, I found out about this thing called the supermoon. You super smart people probably know what it is anyway, but let me just explain it for my sake. Basically the moon is the closest it's been to the earth in 18 years. Some say the world's climate has been going haywire because of this. Others think this is just a coincidence. I don't know. And we silly humans have done heaps of crap to stuff up the world, so I hope this isn't our fault.

I'll say it again and again. In the security of my home, even if I'm doing my stupid assignments, I feel extremely lucky. I have never had anyone close to me die, I've never been through a natural disaster. To be honest, as much as I complain I think I've had a pretty great life.

I'll end by saying that my heart is with those who've lost loved ones over this hectic, deadly year and I hope that no more people will have to suffer through these disasters. Those who have died will be in my prayers, RIP.

Sorry if I've gotten any science stuff wrong in this post.

Z.

SLEEEEPY

Okay, so I'm not really meant to be online at the moment. I have to go to tutor in less than an hour (I started tutor just this term... gosh, I don't know how you guys handle yet another hour of school!). I had around four, maybe less, hours of sleep last night so my eyes are almost glued shut. Which is weird, cause at school today I was pretty energetic. Someone suggested this theory to me that the more you sleep, the tired-er? you feel. The less you sleep, the more energy you have. :S

Okay. Well makes sense, kind of, but NOW I AM SLEEPY!

ALL THESE ASSIGNMENTS ARE DOING MY HEAD IN! SERIOUSLY! WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE DUE IN WEEK 9, HUH? Will you teachers be laughing at us when we're all lying on the floor, so tired that we can't get up? IS THIS AMUSING TO YOU?

I'm going to do a full rant on assignments later, but no time now!

I just wanted to say that people at MFHS ... well the people I hang out with and have classes with... ARE SO SMART. seriously, I had debating trials yesterday and got to listen to a few more speeches today. You people are crazy smart. Seriously. I listened to those speeches with my jaw somewhere around my knees. They were so calm and collected, while I got up there with my arms and fingers shaking like hell! Not to mention my stutter! Damn you stutter!

Uh-oh, the father approaches. GOTTA JET!

Z.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T .. find out what it means to me!

*nervous laughter* aha... well, yes, Richie... I know I said I'd post today.. well, I said that yesterday. And the day before that. But hey, I'm posting now! And I figured now that someone other than me is reading this blog, I might as well put up less retarded posts.

So here goes.

*clears throat*

So in pyschology our first unit is personality. I'm really bad at remembering facts, so I'm not sure who came up with this theory but SOME GUY suggested that a person has three types of traits: cardinal traits, central traits and secondary traits. I'm not going to give you a psychology lesson or anything but basically, central traits are those that most people around you can see, such as moody, outgoing or bubbly. Secondary traits are kind of superficial and are very subject to change, such as your taste in music or favourite colour. Cardinal traits however, can only be found by digging deeper into one's personality, and often only the person themself can find their cardinal trait. Even then, it's difficult.

My central traits are kind of shy, reserved, not quite outgoing but not a social reject either (I hope!) and ambitious. My secondary traits - my favourite colour's PURPLE!, my favourite bands are Paramore, The Script and Muse, and I like to read. My cardinal trait?

I think my cardinal trait is to gain the respect of people who I respect, and not to lose that respect.

You know, now that I think about it I realise that everything I do is to hold the respect of people. Whether that be my parents or my friends, I'm always trying to be a person who other people can respect. Is that a good thing? Is it a bad thing? I think it is both good and bad. I mean, sure it's good that I'm trying to please people, but does that mean that I'm acting like somebody that I'm not?

I've been trying to please my parents all my life. I am held back from getting red streaks in my hair or being a bimbo firstly, because that's just not me, der, and secondly because I don't want them to look down on me. Just recently, my parents have been a major factor for quite a big decision that, well, they didn't even know about.

I've found this great group of friends of school that I think everyone wants to find, but a lot of people often don't. The greatest thing about these friends is that I respect them, more than anything. I have had friends before without respecting them, and I think those friendships are the ones that don't quite make it through to the end. But the people I have met over the past six months (I'm not saying my Brisbane friend's aren't respectable) are truly amazing. They are each quirky in their own way and jeez louise, EVERY ONE OF THEM IS SO FREAKING SMART IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY.

Anyway. As I was saying. One of my greatest fears is doing something that these great friends of mine will hear about and go, "Oh my gosh, what kind of a person would do that?" I don't ever want my parents to look at me and wonder how they have raised a daughter like that. I'm not a goody two shoes, but I am extremely self conscious and a lot of the time, do things for the sake of others. A lot of the time, I find myself adapting my personality somehow for people to... not like me, but to see me as their equal, or even look up to me. Is this good? I don't know.

So yeah, my cardinal trait: GAINING AND KEEPING THE RESPECT OF OTHERS.

What's yours? What's your driving force behind every action?

Z.

Wow, that was fast.

So it’s that time of year again: back to school. And I’m telling you, this Australian summer is not making things any easier. Seriously, people were like DRIPPING with sweat today, nobody can get enough water, words start to swim before your eyes cause you feel so dizzy from the heat, and there’s NO AIR-CONDITIONING! For goodness sake, even the primary school has air-conditioning yet the high school doesn’t?!

So yeah, it’s that time of the year where you get ‘motivational’ (get-off-your-arse) speeches, where teachers and other adults tell you to get a move on because it’s getting toward your senior year and you have to ‘try your hardest’ and bla bla bla. That’s great and all, but … I just don’t like school! I CAN’T HELP IT!

But I full contact-ed my books and got my bag ready and decided, yup, this is the year Zarin. Try your hardest… WOO! It’s day two now, and I’m surprised at how fast this motivated and energetic attitude has faded away. I feel kind of.. I don’t know, tired all the time? Like there’s no point? What’s wrong with me? I just feel like someone’s going to upstage me anyway, so what’s the point in going all out? What’s the point if SOMEONE out there (namely parents) are going to get disappointed anyway?

I realise that this is an extremely crappy attitude… but I just feel so out of it.

Z.

I HATE HOUSEWORK.

The title says it all.

Seriously, because I have no life, I'm not allowed to do anything these holidays. So, my mother does not appreciate the fact that I waste my life on the computer so she insists I do housework and 'help her with everything'. I CANNOT DO HOUSEWORK!! Ugh, there goes the stereotype that women should do housework. I look at a broom and I cringe. I see cleaning products and I feel unclean. The one thing I can do is clean my bed. WOOOHOOOO !!

What a random post.
Ciao,
Zarin.